Careless Words Can Be Abusive

Is there a spouse anywhere in the world that can claim they never use careless words? It seems to be a given, that we all use careless words at sometime in our marriage. There are times when those careless words are just stupid. We say something that we didn’t think through before opening our mouth. It was dumb; but we really didn’t mean any harm by it. We just didn’t think it through beforehand. It’s out; and hopefully, we’re able to smooth things over quickly. (Or it could be that our spouse just chocks it up to a harmless event. And then they give us grace by overlooking it.)

But other times it goes beyond that point. We say things that deeply hurt our spouse and our relationship. Many times we don’t realize it will hurt our spouse. We just let those careless words fall out of our mouth without realizing the damage they can do. Other times we just throw those words out there like a hand grenade. We want to hurt our spouse. We want to let him or her “have it” when we’re angry about a particular situation.

Confessing to Using Careless Words

Once again, this is confession time. Yes, we have done both of those things. Sometimes we have said dumb things. And other times we have said hurtful things—either mindlessly, or on purpose. Sadly, in the 48 years we have been married (on March 18) we have thrown a lot of careless words back and forth at each other. We’re better about this than we were earlier in our marriage. But we still fall into that trap at times. Oh, how we wish we could say we didn’t!

Now, I do have to say that our careless words never stepped over the line of being abusive. But they probably came close at times. Yelling and screaming can be considered abusive to some people. I consider it to be abusive. But the next person may think that it is just being “passionate” about the issue. It’s a matter of perspective.

What matters the most is what your spouse thinks about this. If your spouse thinks your words or your tone is abusive, then you need to work that out. Marriage is all about partnership. It’s partnership with God and with each other. And being abusive has nothing to do with partnering. It is one person taking severe advantage of the other.

Being Careful

And at this point in history, being careful of our words is all the more important. A lot of us are spending more time within our homes than we have had to do in the past. The Coronavirus has sent a lot of people home. Some are ill; but most are not. And when we spend so much time together, with scary situations happening around us, there can be frayed nerves. Please be more mindful of your words, attitudes, and actions. Lets act like partners rather than opponents. Lets help to support one another as Christ would have us.

Recently, a young friend told me that God had convicted her about the way she sometimes spoke to her husband. He caused her to see that at times she was directing careless words at her husband. And even though they weren’t abusive words, they were still hurtful. God let her know that she needed to stop and make some changes. He got her attention, and she has been faithful to confess, repent, and work to change that type of behavior.

In all that she shared, several things spoke to me. And we believe they will speak to you. So, here are a few thoughts that God brought to her mind during their quiet time together:

Careful, Not Careless Words

• Careless words cause division. It causes divisions between a husband and a wife that have a rippling effect to hurt them and others (such as the children). Here is the scripture that God gave that emphasizes that fact: “If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.” (Mark 3:24-25)

Also:

• If you’re not gathering with one another, you are scattering. By using careless words you are participating with the enemy in scattering the family. … Here are the scriptures God used to back up that statement. Jesus said, “Whoever is not with me is against me; and whoever does not gather with me scatters.” (Matthew 12:30)

Additionally:

• “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good; and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you; on the Day of Judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak. For by your words you will be justified; and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:35-37)

This sure applies to marriage. When we use careless words (dumb or abusive) we cause a type of separation between us. In itself, that has a scattering effect on the unity of our home.

Plus, God pointed out to my friend (and now, us):

• How can you approach life as a united couple unless you walk together in agreement? It won’t have the same impact if you are divided, and scattered. … Here is the underlying principle God gives in the Bible: “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (Amos 3:3)

More Thoughts on Careless Words

Steve and I have been talking a lot about this issue since my friend shared this God-given insight. So, here are a few more thoughts we want to share that also spoke to us. We pray they speak to and minister to you:

• “We should realize that like dropping a fine piece of china, words can break someone; and no matter how well your gluing abilities are the china is now just a broken glued plate. Be careful what you say…think first.” (Archie Spangler) “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18)

True isn’t it? Here’s another statement we believe is true and important to try to follow:

• “You’ve heard it said that one negative statement carries the same emotional weight as seven positive ones. Whether the number is true or not, you can shift the atmosphere in your marriage with your words. Your words have the power to bring life and light into dark circumstances. What you say can create forward momentum in your marriage. Make it a habit to speak ten positive, affirming and kind statements for every negative one.” (Scott Means, from the Surrenderedmarriage.org article, “Power of Positive Speaking)

Lastly:

And then here is another tip to consider using when you’re tempted to use careless words:

• “I recently thought about some filters our words should have to pass through before they come out of our mouths. If they don’t make it through all of these 5 filters, then they probably should never be spoken:

1. Do I have good motives? Is my reason for saying it beneficial to my spouse? Or are they only for selfish purposes? … 2. Does it build my spouse up? Words are not neutral. They either tear down or build up. They are either hurtful or helpful. … 3. Is it confidential? … 4. If my spouse were present, would they be pleased with my words? You’ve heard this one before, but it’s always worth remembering. We should always honor our spouse whether they are with us or not. … 5. Is it true? Truth trumps all. If it’s not true, don’t say it.” (Mark Merrill, gleaned from the Happywivesclub.com article, “5 Ways to Filter What You Say to Your Spouse”)

Now, if you need further clarification about careless words that are being thrown within your marriage, here are a few articles we recommend you read:

• Emotional and Verbal Abuse Within Marriage

• When Anger Becomes Abuse

Also:

• My Spouse Has an Awful Temper

Looking Further

And if you want to look even further into the abuse issue, please read what you can in our Abuse in Marriage topic.

Just make sure that what you say will ‘benefit’ your marital relationship. Ask yourself, “what difference will this thing we’re fighting about make in ten years? In one year or even a month?” Consider if it’s even important. If not, drop it.

And again, in this tenuous time in our world’s history with the Coronavirus, lets make an extra effort to be kind to one another. Actually, we should always be kind to one another. But it’s especially important at this time. Try to give each other grace. Be kind. You never know what will happen to each other from one day to the next. You just don’t want to live with regrets.

With every word that comes out of our mouths, may we be intentional in using kind, careful words, rather than careless ones! Above all, remember:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that they may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29)

Cindy and Steve Wright

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2Co 5:20 — 2Co 5:21
Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God. For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

If you are reading this, and you are not a child of the Living God, I'm imploring you be reconciled to God. How? Receive Jesus Christ today into your heart, and you shall be saved. When you receive Jesus Christ, He gives you the power and right to become a child of God.

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BIBLE, THE MANUFACTURER’S MANUAL FOR ALL CREATION

TOPIC: BIBLE, THE MANUFACTURER’S MANUAL FOR ALL CREATION

MEMORY VERSE: “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

TEXT: 2 Timothy 3:16-17; 2 Peter 1:20-21; John 20:31; Romans 1:21-28

INTRODUCTION

The word ‘bible’ comes from the Latin word ‘biblia’ which means ‘the books’. This Blessed Information Bringing Life Eternal is a collection of 66 inspired books covering over 1500 years and written by about 40 diverse authors in three ancient languages – Hebrew, Greek and Aramaic, yet there is a unity of purpose and no contradiction. Truly, the heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork (Psalm 19:1; Romans 1:19-20), The Bible is the greatest collection of God’s revelation to mankind. The bible contains direct revelations from God; and God spake unto Moses, and said unto him, I am the Lord (Exodus 6: 2). Bible records God speaking by himself when he created the world and speaking to various other persons in the bible (Genesis 1: 3, 26). The bible also contains utterances of men under the inspiration of God’s Spirit, as well as writings of men as they were illuminated by the Holy Spirit. It is no ordinary book; it is not the sayings of sages nor the utterances of philosophers. Hence, the bible can be trusted and relied upon. Both historians and archeologists have repeatedly confirmed the authenticity of the bible. There is no error in the original manuscripts of the bible, though, understandably, there are translation mistakes and copying error.

Question 1: How can we know that the bible is God’s manual?

The bible contains truths that otherwise would never have been known from any other sources. It highlights the origin of the world and of sin, the character, nature and power of God, history of nations, prophetic predictions concerning the future of the world, the person of Jesus Christ (the express image of God and savior of the world), the kingdom of God, the bliss of saints and eternal punishment of sinners, amongst other things. The sum and substance of all writings in the bible is that mankind might have life eternal which comes through knowing the only true God and Jesus Christ, whom he has sent (John 17: 3). God guided the writing of this book …for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope (Romans 15:4). Bible contains practical wisdom for day to day living, principles governing human relations, prescriptions on true worship, instructions for marriage and virtually every aspect of life conceivable.

Question 2: To what end did God choose to reveal Himself through the inspired writings?

God, who created all things, has not left the world without a manual. As with any man-made equipment the greatest user experience is contingent on reading, understanding and consistently applying the instructions and directions, the warnings and precautions contained in the manufacturer’s manual. But sadly, many people use the word and go about their affairs without any reference to God’s manual. The result is frustration, hopelessness, emptiness, vanity, wickedness and damnation; they lack peace in their life. It is incumbent on every believer to seek to know, understand, believe, obey, apply to ourselves and communicate the word of God. Only through this can we avoid error and have the greatest experience of God in this world and in the world to come.

Question 3: What should be our attitude to this divine manual which we call BIBLE?

1. THE BIBLE: ITS INSPIRATION, INERRANCY, ETERNAL AND AUTHORITY – 2 Timothy 3: 16; 2 Peter 1:20-21; Mark 13:31; John 20: 31; Acts 20: 32; Psalm 12: 6

There is no gainsaying that the Bible is the Word of God, fully inspired and without error from the original manuscripts. It was written under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, and it has supreme authority in all matters of faith and conduct. It is normal to ask for proofs whenever anyone or anything claims divinity. The following proofs, amongst many, show that the bible is God’s very word.

i.Unity of scripture – diverse men (political leaders, military leaders, shepherd, kings, medical doctor, rabbi, fishermen, etc.) spoke and wrote under divine influence in over 1500 years period, yet there is unity of purpose; there is no contradiction. The stories and sayings perfectly connect.

ii.Prophecies and their fulfilment – the ability to accurately predict future events and seeing them come to pass is one hallmark of divinity. “Shew the things that are to come hereafter, that we may know that ye are gods” (Isaiah 41: 23) was the test presented by God to false gods. The bible contains prophecies, some of which have already come to pass. There are about 300 prophecies concerning Christ Jesus in the Old Testament of the bible.

iii.The testimony of bible itself – bible claims God spoke directly to men. God, who at sundry times and in diverse manners spake in time past unto the fathers by the prophets, hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son (Hebrews 1:1-2). Apart from direct words, God also inspires and illuminate men to speak and to write the words.

iv.Historic and scientific evidence – Historians and scientists have continued to find more and more evidences of the authenticity of the bible.

v.Indestructibility of the bible: Many philosophers predicted the extinction of the bible (Voltaire, the famous French atheist, predicted that within one hundred years the Bible would be a forgotten book. Less than a hundred years later his own home was owned by the Geneva Bible Society, from which millions of Bibles were printed and sent to all parts of the world) (Act 13:31).

Question 4: On what grounds should we believe that the bible is the word of God and not words of men?

The bible is without error (i.e. inerrant) in the sense that all that the biblical authors intended to teach is true and do not conflict with reality or with the will of God. The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times (Psalm 12: 6). A writer cannot be accused of error because someone misconstrues his words in a way he does not intend. The bible contains expressions which, if not carefully examined, can be misconstrued and distorted to say what it does not say. The bible has perfect integrity because it is the incorruptible word of God (1 Peter 1:23). Hence, its teachings and guidelines, promises and precepts, can be trusted and relied upon.

Bible is the greatest means of God’s authoritative self-disclosure to mankind. It is a repository of timeless truths and has the best answers to life’s puzzles. Its authority derives from God himself because though God has exalted his name (Isaiah 12: 4), he has exalted his word above his name (Psalm 138: 2). The bible is a rule of life, the authoritative basis for the Christian faith, and so should command our obedience and belief. It is the basis for testing all spirits, prophets, claims to divinity, men of God, doctrines and teachings …. To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them (Isaiah 8: 20).

Question 5:  Why is the bible so credible and why should it be the rule for moral conduct and for testing any claim to divinity?

2.                  THE GREAT AND WONDROUS THEMES IN GOD’S MANUAL – Hosea 8: 12; Psalm 119: 18; 19: 7-14.

The appreciation of bible truths stirs our hearts’ blood, fires us with enthusiasm and fills us with grateful joy. There are great and wondrous things which God has revealed in His word and the child of God is lost in wonderment when he discovers these precious truths. According to John Bunyan, the truths of the bible inform our judgment, rectify our mind, please our understanding and fill our memory. There are several connotations that depict this divine manual, namely law, judgments, testimony, statutes, commandments, fear of the Lord (Psalm 19:7–9), the word of God.

In this God’s manual, we find the history of creation; the rebellion of man and origin of sin; the danger of sinful man approaching a holy God without a sacrifice and a mediator; the character, nature and power of God; practical wisdom for life; rules for proper conduct; true worship of God; the infinite love of God for man, the mysteries of God; the hypostatic union of divinity and humanity in the person of our Lord Jesus Christ; the promise of a new world wherein dwells righteousness; the eternal damnation of sinners; the future bliss and felicity of the righteous.

Question 6: Mention five great and cardinal themes from the bible.

Let us delve a little deeper into some mind-stretching truth of God’s word.

              i.The age-old conflict between good and evil – started with Satan’s rebellion against God, and further instigating man’s rebellion against God, bringing the curse of God upon man and creation. The consequence is, bondage to corruption and physical death (Galatians 5:17). And it is only through Christ Jesus can these things be reversed.

            ii.A holy God cannot be approached without a sacrifice and a mediator – the holiness of God was revealed in the ten commandments and how to approach Him was prescribed in the ceremonial system of worship with animal sacrifices and high priest representing the people. Only through Jesus can we acceptably approach God (Hebrews 9:7; 12:24).

          iii.Sin cannot effectively be cancelled without taking the life (portrayed in shedding of blood) of a sinless, perfect, fitting person as a substitute for all–only God himself is worthy of such a qualification, and this led to the mysterious union of divinity with humanity in the person of our Lord Jesus Christ for the suffering of death for all (Matthew 1:18,22-23).

          iv.Salvation and relationship with God is by faith – salvation has never been by works right from the beginning, it has always been by faith-… “but without faith it is impossible to please him.” What varies from dispensation to dispensation is the basis of faith. Faith in Christ Jesus is the only way to be saved (Hebrews 11:6; John 3:14-15).

            v.The everlasting marriage between Christ Jesus and his saints in his kingdom – One design of Godhead in salvation is that the Son (Jesus Christ) might be married to his redeemed people in an everlasting union (Ephesians 5:25;31-32). This is the hope of believers. Conversely, unrepentant sinners will suffer the punishment of eternal fire.

Question 7: Mention that personality that is melting point of all themes in the bible and why?

3.                  BELIEVERS’ TREATMENT OF THE BIBLE – Hosea 8:12; John 5: 39; Mark 12:10; Acts 17: 2, 11; Joshua 1:8

If others reject the great things of God’s word and count it as a strange thing, believers shouldn’t. We are to receive with meekness the engrafted WORD (James 1:21). We are admonished to desire it (1 Peter 2:2; Psalm 19:10), not just as babes in Christ but in every stage of our Christian development, that we may grow continually. We are to let it dwell in us richly in all wisdom (Colossians 3:16). We are to give the more earnest heed (i.e. consideration, attention, commitment) to it, so its instructions, warnings, precautions, promises and precepts do not slip away from us. The surest way to forget the bible is to begin to neglect it and not consistently give heed to it. The quality of believer’s life is partly contingent on the amount of truth burnt into his soul. We are to esteem, treasure and exalt the words of bible above everything in our life (Job 23: 12;). The bible should be a delight to the child of God.

Question 8: What should be our attitude to the Divine manual for our life?

There are instructions on how we should approach the bible to reap the greatest benefit, reflecting the life of Christ in our conduct and character, serviceable and useful in the hand of God.

i.Understanding the holy scriptures (2 Timothy 3:15; Daniel 10:21)

Believers must be properly educated in the word of God. Our Lord charged the Sadducees with erroneous thinking and beliefs because they knew not the scriptures nor the power of God (Matthew 22: 29). To know and understand the bible then, we must: -

• Read to know what is written as the starting -(Matthew 21:42).

• Attentively hear or listen to the word   through inspired ministers who are faithful to the text of scriptures; for God has given them to us that they might feed us with knowledge and understanding (Luke 10:42; Jeremiah 3:15).

ii.            Meditate daily on the word. Mere reading and listening are not enough, we must masticate the word. Food mastication is essential to activate necessary enzymes for proper digestion and absorption into the body. It is the same with the word of God (Psalm 1:2).

iii.Applying and Practicing the word. Therefore, we must obey from our heart and keep the word in all its precepts and injunctions. It is self-deception to be mighty in the word and yet the lifestyle is contrary to the word (Romans 6:17; James 1: 22, 24)

iv.PREACH, TEACH and COUNSEL using the word – (Acts 8:32, 35). We must preach to sinners by the word and by our life; Teach our children and family on the word of God (Genesis 18: 19) and endeavor to reason out of the scriptures when answering questions or counselling.

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Question 9: How can we reap the maximum benefit from God’s manual?

Proverbs for Everyday Married Life

The best marriage advice we could ever give anyone is, get into God’s Word, the Bible… read it, and live it. If you do that, you will always be on the right track. This goes beyond being “Bible-believing” Christians. You can talk about what you believe all that you want. That doesn’t do much unless you LIVE in such a way that it shows you believe it. That’s why we want to share with you the following scriptures from the Bible, which can be found in the book of Proverbs.

We did an extensive study on the book of Proverbs and how it relates to our marriages. There are a lot of proverbs (defined as “profound sayings”) that God has given us to learn how to better live with each other. And that’s especially true as it pertains to marriage. The scriptures that teach us how to better live with each other, are the same scriptures that teach us how to better love each other within marriage. God wants us to show love to each other in word and deed. And the book of Proverbs is a great guidebook for helping us to do just that.

So, below you’ll find a few of the marriage proverbs that we gathered, with more that are posted on the web site. We grouped them in categories so you can better see a bigger picture of how God wants us to live together. We’re going to start out with proverbs that talk to us about applying wisdom, and also about acting like fools. Before you read through this list we encourage you to pray, asking God if there is anything, in particular, that you need to pay attention to:

MARRIAGE PROVERBS FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

Concerning WISDOM, Being PRUDENT, Being a FOOL:

In Proverbs 1:7 we are told, “The fear of the Lord is the BEGINNING of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” And in Proverbs 3:5-7 we’re told:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.”

This is the foundation of the wisdom God is giving. Look to the Lord, and take His instruction seriously, or you will be a fool.

Please note:

• “Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.” (Proverbs 28:26)

• “The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor.” (Proverbs 15:33)

On the flip side, we’re told in Proverbs 12:15:

• “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes. But a wise man listens to advice.”

• Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” (Proverbs 26:12)

Concerning those who hold onto foolish ways:

• “There is a way that seems right, but its end leads to death.” (Proverbs 16:25) The same is stated in Proverbs 14:12, and Proverbs 21:2. This includes the death of a relationship.

In Proverbs 10:21 it is written, “Fools die for lack of sense.”

• “A fool’s lips walk into a fight. A fool’s mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul.” (Proverbs 18:6-7)

• “Like snow in summer or rain in harvest, so honor is not fitting for a fool.” (Proverbs 26:1)

• “Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words.” (Proverbs 23:9)

• “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.” (Proverbs 26:4-5)

• “If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.” (Proverbs 29:9)

Be Careful With Your Words

• “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” (Proverbs 29:20)

• “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” (Proverbs 29:11)

• “A stone is heavy, and sand is weighty, but a fool’s provocation is heavier than both.” (Proverbs 27:3)

• “Crush a fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain, yet his folly will not depart from him.” (Proverbs 27:22)

• “Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge.” (Proverbs 14:7)

So leave the room when your spouse starts acting like a fool in what he or she says or does.

• “The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.” (Proverbs 18:4)

• “The wise of heart is called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness. Good sense is a fountain of life to him who has it, but the instruction of fools is folly. The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips.” (Proverbs 16:21-23)

• “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.” (Proverbs 15:1-2)

• “Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.” (Proverbs 26:11)

Ridiculing and Scoffing a Spouse is Foolish

• “’Scoffer’ is the name of the arrogant, haughty man who acts with arrogant pride.” (Proverbs 21:24)

• “The devising of folly is sin, and the scoffer is an abomination to mankind.” (Proverbs 24:9)

• “Scoffers set a city aflame, but the wise turn away wrath.” (Proverbs 29:8)

• “A scoffer does not like to be reproved; he will not go to the wise.” (Proverbs 15:12)

When we are hurt by something our spouse did or didn’t do, we are tempted to go to a scoffer for advice. It’s tempting to want our “ears tickled” by gaining their support. But that isn’t truly seeking the wisdom we need. Empty yourself of pride and go to the wise to help you when there is a serious marriage snag. You are acting like a fool if you seek out advice from those who will feed you folly. This goes along with the following:

• “The discerning sets his face toward wisdom, but the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth.” (Proverbs 17:24)

• “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” (Proverbs 24:3-4)

• “The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouths of fools feed on folly.” (Proverbs 15:14)

Scriptures on the HEARING EAR, and LISTENING:

• “The hearing ear and the seeing eye, the Lord has made them both.” (Proverbs 20:12)

• “Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.” (Proverbs 25:12)

• “The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise.” (Proverbs 15:31)

• “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” (Proverbs 19:20)

Sometimes it’s difficult to listen to advice that is given by a contentious spouse. But don’t overlook good advice just because the one who is giving it is not being wise in the way they are delivering it to you. Ask yourself if the advice contains even a shred of truth. If it does then grab, and apply it.

• “Apply your heart to instruction and your ear to words of knowledge.” (Proverbs 23:12)

Being VENGEFUL, STIFF NECKED:

• “Do not say, ‘I will do to him as he has done to me; I will pay the man back for what he has done.'” (Proverbs 24:29)

• “Do not say, ‘I will repay evil’; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.” (Proverbs 20:22)

• “If anyone returns evil for good, evil will not depart from his house.” (Proverbs 17:13)

• “He who is often reproved, yet stiffens his neck, will suddenly be broken beyond healing.” (Proverbs 29:1)

JOKING, Being a MADMAN, Being a FRIEND [to your spouse]:

• “Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor [spouse] and says, ‘I am only joking!'” (Proverbs 26:18-19)

This is to be our goal —to sharpen each other with encouragement, rather than wounding each other:

• “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)

• “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” (Proverbs 27:6)

FAITHFULNESS and ADULTERY:

• “Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well.” (Proverbs 5:15) [Talk intimately only with your spouse—the covenant partner you are joined with in God as a “cord of three strands.”]

• “Know well the condition of your flocks, and give attention to your herds.” (Proverbs 27:23)

• “Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend, and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away.” (Proverbs 27:10)

• “A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.” (Proverbs 29:5)

• “Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home.” (Proverbs 27:8)

We may think we can get away with being unfaithful. We reason that “God wouldn’t want us to be unhappy.” But God does not see it that way. So you do what makes you “happy” and you think it’s okay to hurt others around you? Think again.

• “Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife. None who touches her will go unpunished.” (Proverbs 6:27-29)

• “For a prostitute is a deep pit; an adulteress is a narrow well. She lies in wait like a robber and increases the traitors among mankind.” (Proverbs 23:27-28)

• “There are those who are clean in their own eyes but are not washed of their filth.” (Proverbs 30:12)

• “This is the way of an adulteress: she eats and wipes her mouth and says, “I have done no wrong.'” (Proverbs 30:20)

Take Note:

God promises us that whether it is physically, and/or emotionally, we cannot act in unfaithful ways. If we do we will be punished. Read further of God’s further warnings concerning unfaithfulness in chapters 5,6, and 7 of Proverbs. Do not be unfaithful in word, deed—online, or otherwise. It matters to your spouse and it matters to your children.

• “The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!” (Proverbs 20:7)

Remember what we’re told in Proverbs 11:29, “Whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind.”

It is our prayer that everyone who is reading this Insight will live faithfully within your marriage from this day forward until you are parted by death.

Be a Positive Spiritual Force Within This World

In the next Marriage Insight we will be posting the rest of the Proverbs that we found pertain to how we live our married life together. In the meantime, keep in mind something that Gary Thomas wrote:

“A holy couple, joined in marriage, studying God’s Word together, can slowly become a spiritual force in a world that desperately needs spiritually strong people. Can you imagine this kind of spiritual connection in your own marriage? Bible reading is one of the best ways to head in that direction.” (From the Focusonthefamily.com article, Spiritual Connection: Having a Proverb 31 Marriage)

Of course, Bible reading is important, but going the next step where you are living what you have read is even more impactful. It’s important to read, believe, AND live what you read and say you believe. Live this way outside of your marriage but especially within it.

We’ll leave you with scripture to keep in mind that is written in another part of the Bible:

“Be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.” (James 1:22-25 ESV)

Cindy and Steve Wright