Marriage Is Hard Work 

More couples than not (from all we have met and have read about) seem to approach marriage with FANTASY EYESIGHT, believing that their love is so unique and different from other couples they know —that their love will just continue to grow deeper and richer as time goes on. They might even acknowledge that they will encounter “bumps” along the road of life, but believe that “at least they will be able to ride over them together, rather than alone” after they marry.

YEP! We’ve been there and believed that one too! And what a slippery slope of fantasy we found we had embraced, after we woke up to reality and then tried to figure out what to do next, before our marriage died from the fall! We thank God that He led us to be “STUBBORNLY MARRIED” so we could survive and even learn how to thrive and build our marriage into a good one. But it hasn’t come easily (and still doesn’t at times) … a good marriage takes hard work!

Lets face it, whatever you don’t maintain usually falls apart! That’s true in marriage, just as it is in other areas of life. Try filling your car with gas one time and then keep driving it “from this day forward” without doing anything else to maintain it and see how far you go. Try fixing up your house and then let it go from there and see how great a place it is to live in over the next 50 years or so. How about letting your garden grow itself without putting in any work to maintain it? How well do you think it would do without putting in some work to help it to grow?

Try feeding and clothing your children in the beginning of their lives, say a year or two, and then let them fend for themselves after that while you sit around and watch TV and “do your own thing” whenever you’re home and see how well they do! Would they thrive? No. So why do any of us think it will work if we apply the same principle to marriage? If you ignore it, it will break down, crumble, starve and eventually collapse (and injure you and many others in the process).

Marriage is an explorative journey –one where a man and woman live in sacred partnership for a lifetime, helping each other become all God created them to be —both as individuals and as a couple —united in purpose by God, as a “cord of three strands.” When we don’t realize that mission or we ignore the hard work it takes to maintain and live this out, we fall short of having a marriage like the Bridegroom and Bride of Christ —united, as God would have us!

Marriage is a sacred union, a journey, and a mission that isn’t to be entered into by those who want to cling to selfism  individuals who don’t want to do the hard work it takes to unite in partnership in how they approach life “from this day forward.”

“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (Amos 3:3). In marriage, we are to agree together with God to walk united in His purpose. We won’t always think alike, but we are to work to think TOGETHER.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend [or spouse] can help him up… Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (see: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). If you haven’t yet, and you are fighting against each other in what should be a marriage partnership, today is the day to join hands for a NEW BEGINNING, united together with God.

“’Haven’t you read,’ [Jesus] replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate’” (Matthew 19:4-7). Please understand that you can separate each other in your attitudes as well as physically.

If this is what you are doing, ask God to show you HOW to join together —despite the problems you are now experiencing. The Bible says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” And so do a lot of marriages! Pray for a new vision. Pray for eyes that help you to see each other and your marriage as God sees each of you and your marriage. God can make all things new, and that includes resurrecting dead feelings, restoring sight to the emotionally blind, and healing the emotionally sick. God can create that which is “good” out of nothing. If He created the heavens and the earth, He certainly is capable of doing His creation work within each of you.

If you married someone you shouldn’t have or you have been disobedient as God’s child in how you have conducted yourself in your marriage, then look to God. His grace is amazing! He can “make your paths straight” if you “trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean no on your own understanding” and “in all your ways acknowledge Him” (see: Proverbs 3:5-6). He is there for all who seek Him —all who are eager to learn His ways.

“The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them” (Psalm 145:13-19).

We encourage you to put in the hard work it takes to make your marriage the best it can be –one in which it is evident that God is at work. Become STUBBORNLY MARRIED —be tenacious in staying together, praying together (if your spouse will participate… if not, pray alone); ask God for wisdom in learning what you need to overcome the relationship obstacles before you in your marriage. Recognize that “Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen your love and reverence, trust, and obedience for Jesus Christ. Marriage is not about you” (Emerson Eggerichs).

Marriage is a vehicle you take on your journey with God through your life this side of heaven. Please do what you can to maintain that vehicle so it is in the best condition that is possible.

And as you do that, not only will the journey be more fulfilling for you, you may find others who will want to know your God better as they are curious about “how you do it” —how you live your life in this way. You will be “communicating the gospel with and without words” in how you live your life as a living testimony within your marriage —pointing them to the empowerment one can experience through a personal and on-going relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

We hope you will —to make it your goal to “reveal the heart of Christ” within your marriage. In doing so, we are confident that more will seek Him and come to know Him in a personal way!

May God bless you in this mission!
Cindy and Steve Wright