Marriage Insight: Marital Harmony at Family Gatherings

Marriage Insight: Marital Harmony at Family Gatherings

Christmas is time when multitudes of families from all over the world gather together to celebrate. But even though this is supposed to be a time of joyful celebration, some family gatherings also include times that are not at all enjoyable. It’s a sad truth. So, below are a few tips to help you & your spouse survive and even enjoy marital harmony at those difficult family gatherings:

• “Holidays can be stressful. We’re often with people who are difficult to be around. You don’t have to like what family members do. But you do need to show love and grace. Dr Minirth, a Christian psychiatrist, warns that this is NOT the time to try to fix your family. There are 364 other days of the year to address problems.” (Keryn Horwood)

• Keep in mind: “You and your spouse don’t have to go to a party just because you’re invited to it. Be good stewards of your time and energy. Even Jesus, the Son of God knew He had to retreat from the clamor of the crowds for quiet times with His Father to renew His strength. Pace yourselves and find the balance between togetherness and separateness.” (Deborah Tyrell)

• Please know that: "Every family has their own ‘unique’ family members. Part of your plan should anticipate these family members and how you will respond to them when they show off just how unique they are. Plan these out ahead of time so no one is caught off guard. Also, make sure to plan out what time you’re going home. This gives you & your spouse an excuse to leave instead of getting caught as you make your way to the door." (Aaron Anderson)

• And if you do “get caught”: "When you’re confronted with what feels like a no-win situation involving an in-law, use the 'drop the rope' theory. Imagine a rope, the kind used in tug-of-war. If you find yourself provoked, see that rope in your hands. You can choose to continue yanking on it —or drop it. Dropping it may sound as though you’re giving in or giving up, but it’s actually very empowering. It’s also much more effective than tugging back and forth." (Romie Hurley)

• "Because unconditional love doesn’t naturally exist between in-laws [& some family members], it’s a decision that must be made and then acted on daily. 'Love your enemies,' we’re instructed (Matthew 5:44). This command crushes all our legitimate reasons for negative feelings toward an in-law. Regardless of those 'feelings,' we’re to act in love." (Elisabeth Graham)

To help you even more, we include a lot more tips within this Insight posted on the Marriage Missions web site at: https://marriagemissions.com/marital-harmony-family-gatherings/  But for this mailing, we want to close with one last tip that is especially important to note and apply:

 • "Put it all into perspective: 'First & foremost, Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of Christ. When we lose sight of that & focus on our family get-togethers and the obligations of smiling and hugging people with whom we hold grudges, we take our eyes off of Christ. When we remember that Christmas is about the celebration of the birth of Christ, we are able to more clearly see others through His eyes. This means that we aren’t as likely to see the hurt in our relationships but the way that Christ loves that person who has hurt or harmed us.” (Cheryl Dickow)

This applies whether it is family members that are causing problems or perhaps it’s even your spouse. Put it all in perspective. Celebrate Christ. Look over the tips again and do what you can to keep your eyes on Jesus so you reveal and reflect the love of Christ to everyone God brings into your life during this blessed time of celebration! May God bless you all the more as you do!

Cindy and Steve Wright