BIBLE, THE MANUFACTURER’S MANUAL FOR ALL CREATION

TOPIC: BIBLE, THE MANUFACTURER’S MANUAL FOR ALL CREATION

MEMORY VERSE: “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

TEXT: 2 Timothy 3:16-17; 2 Peter 1:20-21; John 20:31; Romans 1:21-28

INTRODUCTION

The word ‘bible’ comes from the Latin word ‘biblia’ which means ‘the books’. This Blessed Information Bringing Life Eternal is a collection of 66 inspired books covering over 1500 years and written by about 40 diverse authors in three ancient languages – Hebrew, Greek and Aramaic, yet there is a unity of purpose and no contradiction. Truly, the heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork (Psalm 19:1; Romans 1:19-20), The Bible is the greatest collection of God’s revelation to mankind. The bible contains direct revelations from God; and God spake unto Moses, and said unto him, I am the Lord (Exodus 6: 2). Bible records God speaking by himself when he created the world and speaking to various other persons in the bible (Genesis 1: 3, 26). The bible also contains utterances of men under the inspiration of God’s Spirit, as well as writings of men as they were illuminated by the Holy Spirit. It is no ordinary book; it is not the sayings of sages nor the utterances of philosophers. Hence, the bible can be trusted and relied upon. Both historians and archeologists have repeatedly confirmed the authenticity of the bible. There is no error in the original manuscripts of the bible, though, understandably, there are translation mistakes and copying error.

Question 1: How can we know that the bible is God’s manual?

The bible contains truths that otherwise would never have been known from any other sources. It highlights the origin of the world and of sin, the character, nature and power of God, history of nations, prophetic predictions concerning the future of the world, the person of Jesus Christ (the express image of God and savior of the world), the kingdom of God, the bliss of saints and eternal punishment of sinners, amongst other things. The sum and substance of all writings in the bible is that mankind might have life eternal which comes through knowing the only true God and Jesus Christ, whom he has sent (John 17: 3). God guided the writing of this book …for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope (Romans 15:4). Bible contains practical wisdom for day to day living, principles governing human relations, prescriptions on true worship, instructions for marriage and virtually every aspect of life conceivable.

Question 2: To what end did God choose to reveal Himself through the inspired writings?

God, who created all things, has not left the world without a manual. As with any man-made equipment the greatest user experience is contingent on reading, understanding and consistently applying the instructions and directions, the warnings and precautions contained in the manufacturer’s manual. But sadly, many people use the word and go about their affairs without any reference to God’s manual. The result is frustration, hopelessness, emptiness, vanity, wickedness and damnation; they lack peace in their life. It is incumbent on every believer to seek to know, understand, believe, obey, apply to ourselves and communicate the word of God. Only through this can we avoid error and have the greatest experience of God in this world and in the world to come.

Question 3: What should be our attitude to this divine manual which we call BIBLE?

1. THE BIBLE: ITS INSPIRATION, INERRANCY, ETERNAL AND AUTHORITY – 2 Timothy 3: 16; 2 Peter 1:20-21; Mark 13:31; John 20: 31; Acts 20: 32; Psalm 12: 6

There is no gainsaying that the Bible is the Word of God, fully inspired and without error from the original manuscripts. It was written under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, and it has supreme authority in all matters of faith and conduct. It is normal to ask for proofs whenever anyone or anything claims divinity. The following proofs, amongst many, show that the bible is God’s very word.

i.Unity of scripture – diverse men (political leaders, military leaders, shepherd, kings, medical doctor, rabbi, fishermen, etc.) spoke and wrote under divine influence in over 1500 years period, yet there is unity of purpose; there is no contradiction. The stories and sayings perfectly connect.

ii.Prophecies and their fulfilment – the ability to accurately predict future events and seeing them come to pass is one hallmark of divinity. “Shew the things that are to come hereafter, that we may know that ye are gods” (Isaiah 41: 23) was the test presented by God to false gods. The bible contains prophecies, some of which have already come to pass. There are about 300 prophecies concerning Christ Jesus in the Old Testament of the bible.

iii.The testimony of bible itself – bible claims God spoke directly to men. God, who at sundry times and in diverse manners spake in time past unto the fathers by the prophets, hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son (Hebrews 1:1-2). Apart from direct words, God also inspires and illuminate men to speak and to write the words.

iv.Historic and scientific evidence – Historians and scientists have continued to find more and more evidences of the authenticity of the bible.

v.Indestructibility of the bible: Many philosophers predicted the extinction of the bible (Voltaire, the famous French atheist, predicted that within one hundred years the Bible would be a forgotten book. Less than a hundred years later his own home was owned by the Geneva Bible Society, from which millions of Bibles were printed and sent to all parts of the world) (Act 13:31).

Question 4: On what grounds should we believe that the bible is the word of God and not words of men?

The bible is without error (i.e. inerrant) in the sense that all that the biblical authors intended to teach is true and do not conflict with reality or with the will of God. The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times (Psalm 12: 6). A writer cannot be accused of error because someone misconstrues his words in a way he does not intend. The bible contains expressions which, if not carefully examined, can be misconstrued and distorted to say what it does not say. The bible has perfect integrity because it is the incorruptible word of God (1 Peter 1:23). Hence, its teachings and guidelines, promises and precepts, can be trusted and relied upon.

Bible is the greatest means of God’s authoritative self-disclosure to mankind. It is a repository of timeless truths and has the best answers to life’s puzzles. Its authority derives from God himself because though God has exalted his name (Isaiah 12: 4), he has exalted his word above his name (Psalm 138: 2). The bible is a rule of life, the authoritative basis for the Christian faith, and so should command our obedience and belief. It is the basis for testing all spirits, prophets, claims to divinity, men of God, doctrines and teachings …. To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them (Isaiah 8: 20).

Question 5:  Why is the bible so credible and why should it be the rule for moral conduct and for testing any claim to divinity?

2.                  THE GREAT AND WONDROUS THEMES IN GOD’S MANUAL – Hosea 8: 12; Psalm 119: 18; 19: 7-14.

The appreciation of bible truths stirs our hearts’ blood, fires us with enthusiasm and fills us with grateful joy. There are great and wondrous things which God has revealed in His word and the child of God is lost in wonderment when he discovers these precious truths. According to John Bunyan, the truths of the bible inform our judgment, rectify our mind, please our understanding and fill our memory. There are several connotations that depict this divine manual, namely law, judgments, testimony, statutes, commandments, fear of the Lord (Psalm 19:7–9), the word of God.

In this God’s manual, we find the history of creation; the rebellion of man and origin of sin; the danger of sinful man approaching a holy God without a sacrifice and a mediator; the character, nature and power of God; practical wisdom for life; rules for proper conduct; true worship of God; the infinite love of God for man, the mysteries of God; the hypostatic union of divinity and humanity in the person of our Lord Jesus Christ; the promise of a new world wherein dwells righteousness; the eternal damnation of sinners; the future bliss and felicity of the righteous.

Question 6: Mention five great and cardinal themes from the bible.

Let us delve a little deeper into some mind-stretching truth of God’s word.

              i.The age-old conflict between good and evil – started with Satan’s rebellion against God, and further instigating man’s rebellion against God, bringing the curse of God upon man and creation. The consequence is, bondage to corruption and physical death (Galatians 5:17). And it is only through Christ Jesus can these things be reversed.

            ii.A holy God cannot be approached without a sacrifice and a mediator – the holiness of God was revealed in the ten commandments and how to approach Him was prescribed in the ceremonial system of worship with animal sacrifices and high priest representing the people. Only through Jesus can we acceptably approach God (Hebrews 9:7; 12:24).

          iii.Sin cannot effectively be cancelled without taking the life (portrayed in shedding of blood) of a sinless, perfect, fitting person as a substitute for all–only God himself is worthy of such a qualification, and this led to the mysterious union of divinity with humanity in the person of our Lord Jesus Christ for the suffering of death for all (Matthew 1:18,22-23).

          iv.Salvation and relationship with God is by faith – salvation has never been by works right from the beginning, it has always been by faith-… “but without faith it is impossible to please him.” What varies from dispensation to dispensation is the basis of faith. Faith in Christ Jesus is the only way to be saved (Hebrews 11:6; John 3:14-15).

            v.The everlasting marriage between Christ Jesus and his saints in his kingdom – One design of Godhead in salvation is that the Son (Jesus Christ) might be married to his redeemed people in an everlasting union (Ephesians 5:25;31-32). This is the hope of believers. Conversely, unrepentant sinners will suffer the punishment of eternal fire.

Question 7: Mention that personality that is melting point of all themes in the bible and why?

3.                  BELIEVERS’ TREATMENT OF THE BIBLE – Hosea 8:12; John 5: 39; Mark 12:10; Acts 17: 2, 11; Joshua 1:8

If others reject the great things of God’s word and count it as a strange thing, believers shouldn’t. We are to receive with meekness the engrafted WORD (James 1:21). We are admonished to desire it (1 Peter 2:2; Psalm 19:10), not just as babes in Christ but in every stage of our Christian development, that we may grow continually. We are to let it dwell in us richly in all wisdom (Colossians 3:16). We are to give the more earnest heed (i.e. consideration, attention, commitment) to it, so its instructions, warnings, precautions, promises and precepts do not slip away from us. The surest way to forget the bible is to begin to neglect it and not consistently give heed to it. The quality of believer’s life is partly contingent on the amount of truth burnt into his soul. We are to esteem, treasure and exalt the words of bible above everything in our life (Job 23: 12;). The bible should be a delight to the child of God.

Question 8: What should be our attitude to the Divine manual for our life?

There are instructions on how we should approach the bible to reap the greatest benefit, reflecting the life of Christ in our conduct and character, serviceable and useful in the hand of God.

i.Understanding the holy scriptures (2 Timothy 3:15; Daniel 10:21)

Believers must be properly educated in the word of God. Our Lord charged the Sadducees with erroneous thinking and beliefs because they knew not the scriptures nor the power of God (Matthew 22: 29). To know and understand the bible then, we must: -

• Read to know what is written as the starting -(Matthew 21:42).

• Attentively hear or listen to the word   through inspired ministers who are faithful to the text of scriptures; for God has given them to us that they might feed us with knowledge and understanding (Luke 10:42; Jeremiah 3:15).

ii.            Meditate daily on the word. Mere reading and listening are not enough, we must masticate the word. Food mastication is essential to activate necessary enzymes for proper digestion and absorption into the body. It is the same with the word of God (Psalm 1:2).

iii.Applying and Practicing the word. Therefore, we must obey from our heart and keep the word in all its precepts and injunctions. It is self-deception to be mighty in the word and yet the lifestyle is contrary to the word (Romans 6:17; James 1: 22, 24)

iv.PREACH, TEACH and COUNSEL using the word – (Acts 8:32, 35). We must preach to sinners by the word and by our life; Teach our children and family on the word of God (Genesis 18: 19) and endeavor to reason out of the scriptures when answering questions or counselling.

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Question 9: How can we reap the maximum benefit from God’s manual?

Proverbs for Everyday Married Life

The best marriage advice we could ever give anyone is, get into God’s Word, the Bible… read it, and live it. If you do that, you will always be on the right track. This goes beyond being “Bible-believing” Christians. You can talk about what you believe all that you want. That doesn’t do much unless you LIVE in such a way that it shows you believe it. That’s why we want to share with you the following scriptures from the Bible, which can be found in the book of Proverbs.

We did an extensive study on the book of Proverbs and how it relates to our marriages. There are a lot of proverbs (defined as “profound sayings”) that God has given us to learn how to better live with each other. And that’s especially true as it pertains to marriage. The scriptures that teach us how to better live with each other, are the same scriptures that teach us how to better love each other within marriage. God wants us to show love to each other in word and deed. And the book of Proverbs is a great guidebook for helping us to do just that.

So, below you’ll find a few of the marriage proverbs that we gathered, with more that are posted on the web site. We grouped them in categories so you can better see a bigger picture of how God wants us to live together. We’re going to start out with proverbs that talk to us about applying wisdom, and also about acting like fools. Before you read through this list we encourage you to pray, asking God if there is anything, in particular, that you need to pay attention to:

MARRIAGE PROVERBS FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

Concerning WISDOM, Being PRUDENT, Being a FOOL:

In Proverbs 1:7 we are told, “The fear of the Lord is the BEGINNING of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” And in Proverbs 3:5-7 we’re told:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.”

This is the foundation of the wisdom God is giving. Look to the Lord, and take His instruction seriously, or you will be a fool.

Please note:

• “Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.” (Proverbs 28:26)

• “The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor.” (Proverbs 15:33)

On the flip side, we’re told in Proverbs 12:15:

• “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes. But a wise man listens to advice.”

• Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” (Proverbs 26:12)

Concerning those who hold onto foolish ways:

• “There is a way that seems right, but its end leads to death.” (Proverbs 16:25) The same is stated in Proverbs 14:12, and Proverbs 21:2. This includes the death of a relationship.

In Proverbs 10:21 it is written, “Fools die for lack of sense.”

• “A fool’s lips walk into a fight. A fool’s mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul.” (Proverbs 18:6-7)

• “Like snow in summer or rain in harvest, so honor is not fitting for a fool.” (Proverbs 26:1)

• “Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words.” (Proverbs 23:9)

• “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.” (Proverbs 26:4-5)

• “If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.” (Proverbs 29:9)

Be Careful With Your Words

• “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” (Proverbs 29:20)

• “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” (Proverbs 29:11)

• “A stone is heavy, and sand is weighty, but a fool’s provocation is heavier than both.” (Proverbs 27:3)

• “Crush a fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain, yet his folly will not depart from him.” (Proverbs 27:22)

• “Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge.” (Proverbs 14:7)

So leave the room when your spouse starts acting like a fool in what he or she says or does.

• “The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.” (Proverbs 18:4)

• “The wise of heart is called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness. Good sense is a fountain of life to him who has it, but the instruction of fools is folly. The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips.” (Proverbs 16:21-23)

• “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.” (Proverbs 15:1-2)

• “Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.” (Proverbs 26:11)

Ridiculing and Scoffing a Spouse is Foolish

• “’Scoffer’ is the name of the arrogant, haughty man who acts with arrogant pride.” (Proverbs 21:24)

• “The devising of folly is sin, and the scoffer is an abomination to mankind.” (Proverbs 24:9)

• “Scoffers set a city aflame, but the wise turn away wrath.” (Proverbs 29:8)

• “A scoffer does not like to be reproved; he will not go to the wise.” (Proverbs 15:12)

When we are hurt by something our spouse did or didn’t do, we are tempted to go to a scoffer for advice. It’s tempting to want our “ears tickled” by gaining their support. But that isn’t truly seeking the wisdom we need. Empty yourself of pride and go to the wise to help you when there is a serious marriage snag. You are acting like a fool if you seek out advice from those who will feed you folly. This goes along with the following:

• “The discerning sets his face toward wisdom, but the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth.” (Proverbs 17:24)

• “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” (Proverbs 24:3-4)

• “The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouths of fools feed on folly.” (Proverbs 15:14)

Scriptures on the HEARING EAR, and LISTENING:

• “The hearing ear and the seeing eye, the Lord has made them both.” (Proverbs 20:12)

• “Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.” (Proverbs 25:12)

• “The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise.” (Proverbs 15:31)

• “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” (Proverbs 19:20)

Sometimes it’s difficult to listen to advice that is given by a contentious spouse. But don’t overlook good advice just because the one who is giving it is not being wise in the way they are delivering it to you. Ask yourself if the advice contains even a shred of truth. If it does then grab, and apply it.

• “Apply your heart to instruction and your ear to words of knowledge.” (Proverbs 23:12)

Being VENGEFUL, STIFF NECKED:

• “Do not say, ‘I will do to him as he has done to me; I will pay the man back for what he has done.'” (Proverbs 24:29)

• “Do not say, ‘I will repay evil’; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.” (Proverbs 20:22)

• “If anyone returns evil for good, evil will not depart from his house.” (Proverbs 17:13)

• “He who is often reproved, yet stiffens his neck, will suddenly be broken beyond healing.” (Proverbs 29:1)

JOKING, Being a MADMAN, Being a FRIEND [to your spouse]:

• “Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor [spouse] and says, ‘I am only joking!'” (Proverbs 26:18-19)

This is to be our goal —to sharpen each other with encouragement, rather than wounding each other:

• “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)

• “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” (Proverbs 27:6)

FAITHFULNESS and ADULTERY:

• “Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well.” (Proverbs 5:15) [Talk intimately only with your spouse—the covenant partner you are joined with in God as a “cord of three strands.”]

• “Know well the condition of your flocks, and give attention to your herds.” (Proverbs 27:23)

• “Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend, and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away.” (Proverbs 27:10)

• “A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.” (Proverbs 29:5)

• “Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home.” (Proverbs 27:8)

We may think we can get away with being unfaithful. We reason that “God wouldn’t want us to be unhappy.” But God does not see it that way. So you do what makes you “happy” and you think it’s okay to hurt others around you? Think again.

• “Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife. None who touches her will go unpunished.” (Proverbs 6:27-29)

• “For a prostitute is a deep pit; an adulteress is a narrow well. She lies in wait like a robber and increases the traitors among mankind.” (Proverbs 23:27-28)

• “There are those who are clean in their own eyes but are not washed of their filth.” (Proverbs 30:12)

• “This is the way of an adulteress: she eats and wipes her mouth and says, “I have done no wrong.'” (Proverbs 30:20)

Take Note:

God promises us that whether it is physically, and/or emotionally, we cannot act in unfaithful ways. If we do we will be punished. Read further of God’s further warnings concerning unfaithfulness in chapters 5,6, and 7 of Proverbs. Do not be unfaithful in word, deed—online, or otherwise. It matters to your spouse and it matters to your children.

• “The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!” (Proverbs 20:7)

Remember what we’re told in Proverbs 11:29, “Whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind.”

It is our prayer that everyone who is reading this Insight will live faithfully within your marriage from this day forward until you are parted by death.

Be a Positive Spiritual Force Within This World

In the next Marriage Insight we will be posting the rest of the Proverbs that we found pertain to how we live our married life together. In the meantime, keep in mind something that Gary Thomas wrote:

“A holy couple, joined in marriage, studying God’s Word together, can slowly become a spiritual force in a world that desperately needs spiritually strong people. Can you imagine this kind of spiritual connection in your own marriage? Bible reading is one of the best ways to head in that direction.” (From the Focusonthefamily.com article, Spiritual Connection: Having a Proverb 31 Marriage)

Of course, Bible reading is important, but going the next step where you are living what you have read is even more impactful. It’s important to read, believe, AND live what you read and say you believe. Live this way outside of your marriage but especially within it.

We’ll leave you with scripture to keep in mind that is written in another part of the Bible:

“Be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.” (James 1:22-25 ESV)

Cindy and Steve Wright

Marriage Insight - What’s Your Marriage Like Behind Closed Doors?

What’s Your Marriage Like Behind Closed Doors?

Most, if not all of us, have experienced this scenario: We arrive at church and someone walks up to us. They then whisper, “Did you hear that ‘so-and-so’ is getting a divorce?” Our typical response is one of shock. “What?! I thought they had the ‘perfect marriage. They seemed so happy.’” Cindy and I (Steve) believe our level of surprise comes from the fact that we didn’t know what really goes on behind closed doors in their marriage.

Almost any one of us can come to church and put on a “happy face” for an hour or so. But then we bury what is really going on in our marriage at home—behind closed doors. It probably happens in every church around the world every weekend.

Life Behind Closed Doors

One of the things Cindy and I have stressed in our lives and our ministry is that our marriages need to be lived out every day the same behind closed doors as in front of open doors. If it’s not right for me to yell, rage or call my co-workers or other people names, then it is inexcusable to do it to my spouse (or children). This is just one of the areas we talk about in our new book, The 7 ESSENTIALS To Grow Your Marriage.

A moment of transparency here—earlier in our marriage Cindy and I would yell, call each other names, make threats, or stonewall. We were fortunate, though, because we woke up and realized if we continued on this path it could destroy our marriage. We needed to do better in public and behind closed doors.

Cindy and I wrote in chapter seven of our book that we made the conscious decision that we were going to “Partner With God And With Each Other” to make an impact on our world. We can promise you that if you both shift your focus AND your behavior to follow this principle you will never have to worry about what people would see happening behind your closed doors—or in front of open doors. Here are a few of the things we discovered that made the difference.

Cindy addresses a few of the areas that can be major stumbling blocks in our marriages. Here is a portion of what she wrote:

Being Oppositional

“What’s strange is the fact that I wasn’t even aware that I was being oppositional to Steve (and he was to me). We just sort of fell into this type of approach to matters as they popped up in our lives. We approached housework, yard work, money matters, raising children, taking care of our health, worship styles, even how we prayed and studied the Bible (and the list goes on) from differing and opposing stances. And the arguments? They were ridiculous, as I look back on them. So many of them could have been avoided, or shortened, or dealt with in healthier ways if we would have approached them as partners, not opponents.

Fellow author and blogger Fawn Weaver (from The Happy Wife’s Club website) said:

‘The greatest marriages are built on teamwork. A mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and a never-ending portion of love and grace.”’

Well, we didn’t give each other very much grace in the beginning of our marriage. We started out with lots of admiration and what we thought was love. But it eventually fizzled and was thrown aside by our ever-increasing “selfism” and busyness that came along with trying to make life work for us.”

Busyness and Partnership

It has been said that when you are too busy to be kind, you are too busy. I have to say that we definitely allowed ourselves to get caught up in the busier side of life. And as a result, kindness became more of a distant memory than something we gave to each other. We allowed life to squeeze into the middle of our relationship and push us onto opposing sides.

Yes, life can get busy, especially when you’re raising children. We are involved with jobs, careers, family, friends, maintaining a home, and such. But Steve and I made choices to allow too much busyness into our lives. We now recognize that was problematic. But at the time we thought that it was just the way life was supposed to be. Wrong!

Through this marriage journey down the wrong path, I’ve learned that just because you can do something, it doesn’t mean that you should do it. I needed (and Steve needed) to say no to more things. As a result we could say yes to invest the time and energy into our marriage and family life. We gave each other only leftover time and energy instead of saving some of it to spend more time with each other. A steady diet of leftovers can cause undernourishment in marriage relationships. We also sometimes need that, which is prime, to feed our companionship needs.

Marrying Our Lives

‘We needed the advice that Jared Black gave:

‘Marriage isn’t something we accomplished the day we said, ‘I do.’ It is an ongoing action discovered with our spouses—a development cycle. The day of marriage simply creates a brand-new infant couple. They are pledging to learn the art of marrying their individual lives into one combined, maturing life together.” (From the book, Marriage Rebranded, written by Tyler Ward)

It’s especially huge when you realize this means that we have to lean towards maturity. Selfism is to be left behind. Marriage has no room for that. Marriage is for grown-ups, not for those who want to cling onto just satisfying themselves. If you want to continue to act like children, you shouldn’t get married. I often refer the following scripture when talking about marriages. The Apostle Paul said:

“When I was a child I talked like a child; I thought like a child; I reasoned like a child. When I became a man [grew up] I put childish ways behind me” (1 Corinthians 13:11, NIV).

Grow Up Time

“What I see in that verse is that “there is a time for everything under Heaven.” There is a time to act like a child. But there is a time to grow up and put childish things behind us. Marriage is one of those times. For a marriage to be healthy, growing, and one that blesses us, and others—especially God—we must live within it through mature eyes, with mature attitudes, and actions. If we don’t, we can ruin a whole lot of other people’s lives, as well as our own, as we’re playing around.

Marriage is a vehicle God uses to help to grow us up, to mature us in ways that He wants so He can use us for His Kingdom work. That’s important to recognize. It’s like what H. Norman Wright says:

‘Marriage is more than sharing a life together. It’s building a life together. What you do now is for both, and what is said now is for both. What your purpose is now is for the kingdom and giving glory to the image of God.’ (Norm Wright, from the book One Marriage Under God)

Throughout the whole book Cindy and I both write in each chapter from our perspective on the topic. So, in this Insight, I’ll share a portion of what I wrote in chapter 7. It goes along great with the issue of having a healthy marriage behind closed doors and in front of them. I called this part: You know you’re in partnership when:

You Know You’re in Partnership When:

• You Comfort Each Other When You’re Down.

The Bible says:

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, ESV).

Cindy and I have tried to practice being the conduit that God uses to bring comfort to each other when we go through those “down times” (physically, emotionally, and spiritually). We all have them, so we all need to learn how to be comfort givers.

• You Encourage Each Other to Pursue Your Dreams.

Cindy has been my biggest cheerleader and I have been hers. We both know God has planted in us desires and passions to serve Him in different ways.

I could never have become the chaplain in the fire department I serve in now if Cindy hadn’t encouraged me every step of the way. And she could have never taken the lead in birthing Marriage Missions International if I hadn’t supported her dream. (We now very much partner in this ministry together.) When you support and encourage each other’s dreams, you may never know the impact that will have on the world.

• You Still Flirt with Each Other.

My heart still skips a beat when Cindy walks into the room. This doesn’t happen by chance. It’s because we have continued through our forty-five-plus years of marriage to intentionally flirt with each other. I’ll (not so innocently) brush up against her when I walk by or gently touch her; and she’ll do the same to me. If we’re sitting across the room from each other when we’re with other people, I’ll catch her attention and wiggle my eyebrows up and down real fast. She will in turn bat her eyelashes back at me. Most people never notice, but we both get the silent message loud and clear: “I love you!” And our hearts are warmed.

• You Say, “I Love You” Often.

One of the first things we say to each other when we wake up and the last thing we say to each other in bed before we go to sleep are these three words. We’ll also say them several times throughout the day. If one of us leaves the house, even on a short errand, or at the end of every phone call, we say, “I love you.” Even during those times can be termed as being under the “worse” category above, we still say those three words.

They are three easy words, but they go unsaid too often in many marriages. Don’t be afraid to voice your feelings.

If you employ just these three things in your marriage you’ll reap unimaginable benefits when it comes to building an unbreakable partnership.”

In my research on this topic of marital partnership I came across a book called Beyond The Myth of Marital Happiness, written by Blaine J. Fowers, Ph.D. He has a chapter on marital partnership. He had some pretty astute insights: “When partners in a marriage value equality, they see each other as equals, treat each other with respect, consider each other’s needs, and support one another.” In it he talks about the:

Benefits of Equal Partnership

An equal partnership benefits marriages as a whole and benefits husbands and wives individually:

They have happier marriages.

Equal partnership fosters closeness between husband and wife, resulting in a stronger and happier marriage. Spouses feel better about themselves and each other, which makes them more likely to share their thoughts and feelings.

There are Benefits to Men.

Men benefit emotionally from equal partnership because there is greater openness and they feel better about their marriage. They also benefit from the greater physical intimacy that comes with equal partnership.

There are benefits to women.

The closer communication and emotional intimacy in an equal partnership greatly benefit women. Research shows that having an equal say in decision-making is the most important contributor to wives’ perception of their marriages as happy and satisfying.

Everything Fowers says is what Cindy and I have been telling couples for years. It is exactly what we believe God is calling each and every one of us as individuals and as couples to live out every day. It doesn’t matter if we are behind closed doors, or not. And each point is something we’ve experienced and employed in our marriage—and they work!

Something else I pray husbands come to understand (as I did) comes from the book Marriage Rebranded, written by Tyler Ward where he quotes something pastor Ray Ortlund told him:

“My wife was given to me to enrich me; to make me wiser, a better man, a better professional, and a better father . . . Once I stopped being so stubborn and learned to use our relationship and her voice as the asset that it is, everything changed.”

So, what’s your marriage like behind closed doors as well as what people see in public? Whether we like it or not we all influence others and set an example for others to follow. The question we pose is: Is it obvious to others that you are a couple in “Partnership With Each Other and With God?” If not, don’t be discouraged, you can be and we have a lot of tools on our web site as well as in our book The 7 ESSENTIALS To Grow Your Marriage to help you get to that place.

We pray this is helpful!

Steve and Cindy Wright