Fight FOR Your Marriage

Fight FOR your marriage, rather than fighting against it. That’s what we’ve told a lot of couples over the years. It’s something we continue to work on in our own marriage.

One of the ways we do this is by attending marriage events. This past week we attended the marriage event, “Love Worth Fighting For” with Kirk Cameron. (You may remember him from the movie, “Fireproof.”)

We’re going to tell you a few of the things Kirk shared with us. I’ll be summing up a lot of info into just a few of the things he said. But here’s a brief synopsis of it all. We pray it will minister to you.

Kirk brought out the point:

“Marriage is a school where you learn to die to yourself.” This concept is based onMatthew 16:24-25 where we’re told to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Jesus. This is even more important within marriage (which is a living picture of Christ’s love for the church). It’s been said that the one divorce that truly IS needed, is getting a divorce from our own selfish selves. This is SO true!

Kirk also challenged husbands and wives to look at our wedding rings as a continual visual reminder. “Your wedding ring is a symbol that you signed up to serve your spouse.” We’re told throughout the Bible to “serve one another.” Why not let your wedding ring remind you to serve your spouse? It’s more biblical than looking to be served.

Jeremiah 17:9

Kirk made another point, based on the scriptures in Jeremiah 17:9. “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” He said:

That’s why you don’t ‘follow your heart’ as the movie industry and the world tells us. It’s desperately deceitful and desperately wicked. … The only solution to the problems we see in marriage is genuine conversion to the Creator of the Universe within the heart.

Kirk continued:

You can learn all of the marriage advice in the world, but if you don’t make a supernatural turn, and change in your heart, none of it will work. When you start with God, things will change. The first step in helping a marriage is getting right with God.

Additionally:

Kirk cautioned us not take on the job of the Holy Spirit. We can HELP our spouse and speak the truth in love, but we can’t ultimately change him or her. As Kirk said, “God reserves the privilege of changing your spouse Himself.” No matter what problems we’re having in our marriage, we need to release them to God —doing as He shows us. “We want to get better in our marriage, not bitter, which can happen over time.” We become bitter when we don’t work hand in hand with God.

Kirk talked about working on our “stuff.”

He said:

You get your stuff right before God. Then you can trust God to use you as a vessel to help you minister to your spouse.

On this point, Kirk talked about his own marriage, and the fact that it/he isn’t perfect. He says,

My marriage has been on the receiving end of my failure to deal with my own sin. … I need to rip it from my heart.

That is a job we all should be working on throughout our lives and our marriages. We both confess to the same failures.

He talked about showing our spouses love. There’s a lot more Kirk spoke about that you can hear if you’re able to attend this great event. But here’s a summary:

Love him more; love her more.

Lastly:

The singer Warren Barfield also partnered with Kirk to help marriages. He was both funny and is VERY talented —such a fun addition to this event. Here’s the song he wrote, and then sang in the movie “Fireproof” and also at the marriage event:

At this event, Warren spoke about how good his marriage is today. It wasn’t always that way. They had to do some important work. With this in mind, he said:

We don’t have a great marriage because we’re good at pretending [which they did for quite a while]. Our marriage is good because we quit pretending, and began confessing the need for help. When we did that and when you do that, God can begin to do a work in your marriage that is ‘very good.’

He then asked, “What if we decide to fight as hard FOR our marriage as hard as we fight against it?”

We agree! Do you? Please let us know. Also, you can make comments below this Marriage Insights to give additional marriage tips. It can help us and a multitude of others.

Cindy and Steve Wright