Marriage Insight: A Thanksgiving Focus on Marriage

Marriage Insight: A Thanksgiving Focus on Marriage

“Here in the States [and other parts of the world], we commemorate a day of Thanksgiving. Yes, we’re supposed to continually give thanks to God. But this is also a holiday dedicated to do just that. We love it! Too often—especially in our married lives we forget to focus on our blessings. But even in the toughest of situations we can focus that, for which we can be thankful.

We totally agree with something that Dr Lee Baucom wrote in an article titled, "Thanksgiving and Marriage": “Marriages tend to suffer when we spend our time thinking about what we don’t have. When we compare our spouse to someone else, or focus on the weaknesses of our relationship, or find all that makes us unhappy, we move in that direction. There is an endless list of people to whom we can compare our spouse. And we have a nearly infinite list of weaknesses in our relationship. But for today, just today, change the flow. Focus on what you are thankful for. What about the relationship do you cherish? What about your spouse do you treasure? If your answer is ‘nothing,’ you are not looking fairly or deeply.

“When we focus on what we are thankful for, a magical thing happens. We find more things for which to be thankful! We turn off the critical switch in our brain for just an instant. For a split second, we exist in an area of appreciation. And our task is to expand that appreciation into more and longer moments.”

This expresses our sentiments exactly. We can focus on that, which is negative or wrong. Or we can focus on the blessings we have. We’re told in the Bible to “give thanks in all circumstances, because this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." We realize that this is especially difficult for many of you who are struggling in your marriages. And for that we are sorry. You feel alone, though married & abandoned, even though God has told you He would “never abandon you.” You may want to see His hand, His care, and His presence, but you don’t. However, we hope that something that Paul David Tripp wrote in his book, "What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage" ministers to your heart through these tough times. He wrote:

“Our purpose for marriage tends to be different from the Lord’s. Our desire is that our marriages would be the location of our comfort, ease, and enjoyment. We often have desires no bigger than this. But God’s purpose is that each of our marriages would be a tool for something that is way more miraculous and glorious than our tiny, little, self-focused definition of happiness. He has designed marriage to be one of his most effective and efficient tools of personal holiness. He has designed your marriage to change you.”

He also makes this point, “God is in control, not only of the locations in which you live, but also of the influences that have shaped you as a person. He has not only written the story of you & your spouse and determined that your stories would intersect but he has controlled all the things that have made you different from one another. As you struggle, you must not view your marriage as bad luck, or poor planning. Don’t view it as a mess that you made for yourself. No, God is right smack-dab in the middle of your struggle. He is not surprised by what you are facing today. He is up to something.” The question is: will you participate with Him or will you struggle against the work He is trying to accomplish WITHIN & THROUGH you?