Marriage Insight - What’s Your Marriage Like Behind Closed Doors?

What’s Your Marriage Like Behind Closed Doors?

Most, if not all of us, have experienced this scenario: We arrive at church and someone walks up to us. They then whisper, “Did you hear that ‘so-and-so’ is getting a divorce?” Our typical response is one of shock. “What?! I thought they had the ‘perfect marriage. They seemed so happy.’” Cindy and I (Steve) believe our level of surprise comes from the fact that we didn’t know what really goes on behind closed doors in their marriage.

Almost any one of us can come to church and put on a “happy face” for an hour or so. But then we bury what is really going on in our marriage at home—behind closed doors. It probably happens in every church around the world every weekend.

Life Behind Closed Doors

One of the things Cindy and I have stressed in our lives and our ministry is that our marriages need to be lived out every day the same behind closed doors as in front of open doors. If it’s not right for me to yell, rage or call my co-workers or other people names, then it is inexcusable to do it to my spouse (or children). This is just one of the areas we talk about in our new book, The 7 ESSENTIALS To Grow Your Marriage.

A moment of transparency here—earlier in our marriage Cindy and I would yell, call each other names, make threats, or stonewall. We were fortunate, though, because we woke up and realized if we continued on this path it could destroy our marriage. We needed to do better in public and behind closed doors.

Cindy and I wrote in chapter seven of our book that we made the conscious decision that we were going to “Partner With God And With Each Other” to make an impact on our world. We can promise you that if you both shift your focus AND your behavior to follow this principle you will never have to worry about what people would see happening behind your closed doors—or in front of open doors. Here are a few of the things we discovered that made the difference.

Cindy addresses a few of the areas that can be major stumbling blocks in our marriages. Here is a portion of what she wrote:

Being Oppositional

“What’s strange is the fact that I wasn’t even aware that I was being oppositional to Steve (and he was to me). We just sort of fell into this type of approach to matters as they popped up in our lives. We approached housework, yard work, money matters, raising children, taking care of our health, worship styles, even how we prayed and studied the Bible (and the list goes on) from differing and opposing stances. And the arguments? They were ridiculous, as I look back on them. So many of them could have been avoided, or shortened, or dealt with in healthier ways if we would have approached them as partners, not opponents.

Fellow author and blogger Fawn Weaver (from The Happy Wife’s Club website) said:

‘The greatest marriages are built on teamwork. A mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and a never-ending portion of love and grace.”’

Well, we didn’t give each other very much grace in the beginning of our marriage. We started out with lots of admiration and what we thought was love. But it eventually fizzled and was thrown aside by our ever-increasing “selfism” and busyness that came along with trying to make life work for us.”

Busyness and Partnership

It has been said that when you are too busy to be kind, you are too busy. I have to say that we definitely allowed ourselves to get caught up in the busier side of life. And as a result, kindness became more of a distant memory than something we gave to each other. We allowed life to squeeze into the middle of our relationship and push us onto opposing sides.

Yes, life can get busy, especially when you’re raising children. We are involved with jobs, careers, family, friends, maintaining a home, and such. But Steve and I made choices to allow too much busyness into our lives. We now recognize that was problematic. But at the time we thought that it was just the way life was supposed to be. Wrong!

Through this marriage journey down the wrong path, I’ve learned that just because you can do something, it doesn’t mean that you should do it. I needed (and Steve needed) to say no to more things. As a result we could say yes to invest the time and energy into our marriage and family life. We gave each other only leftover time and energy instead of saving some of it to spend more time with each other. A steady diet of leftovers can cause undernourishment in marriage relationships. We also sometimes need that, which is prime, to feed our companionship needs.

Marrying Our Lives

‘We needed the advice that Jared Black gave:

‘Marriage isn’t something we accomplished the day we said, ‘I do.’ It is an ongoing action discovered with our spouses—a development cycle. The day of marriage simply creates a brand-new infant couple. They are pledging to learn the art of marrying their individual lives into one combined, maturing life together.” (From the book, Marriage Rebranded, written by Tyler Ward)

It’s especially huge when you realize this means that we have to lean towards maturity. Selfism is to be left behind. Marriage has no room for that. Marriage is for grown-ups, not for those who want to cling onto just satisfying themselves. If you want to continue to act like children, you shouldn’t get married. I often refer the following scripture when talking about marriages. The Apostle Paul said:

“When I was a child I talked like a child; I thought like a child; I reasoned like a child. When I became a man [grew up] I put childish ways behind me” (1 Corinthians 13:11, NIV).

Grow Up Time

“What I see in that verse is that “there is a time for everything under Heaven.” There is a time to act like a child. But there is a time to grow up and put childish things behind us. Marriage is one of those times. For a marriage to be healthy, growing, and one that blesses us, and others—especially God—we must live within it through mature eyes, with mature attitudes, and actions. If we don’t, we can ruin a whole lot of other people’s lives, as well as our own, as we’re playing around.

Marriage is a vehicle God uses to help to grow us up, to mature us in ways that He wants so He can use us for His Kingdom work. That’s important to recognize. It’s like what H. Norman Wright says:

‘Marriage is more than sharing a life together. It’s building a life together. What you do now is for both, and what is said now is for both. What your purpose is now is for the kingdom and giving glory to the image of God.’ (Norm Wright, from the book One Marriage Under God)

Throughout the whole book Cindy and I both write in each chapter from our perspective on the topic. So, in this Insight, I’ll share a portion of what I wrote in chapter 7. It goes along great with the issue of having a healthy marriage behind closed doors and in front of them. I called this part: You know you’re in partnership when:

You Know You’re in Partnership When:

• You Comfort Each Other When You’re Down.

The Bible says:

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, ESV).

Cindy and I have tried to practice being the conduit that God uses to bring comfort to each other when we go through those “down times” (physically, emotionally, and spiritually). We all have them, so we all need to learn how to be comfort givers.

• You Encourage Each Other to Pursue Your Dreams.

Cindy has been my biggest cheerleader and I have been hers. We both know God has planted in us desires and passions to serve Him in different ways.

I could never have become the chaplain in the fire department I serve in now if Cindy hadn’t encouraged me every step of the way. And she could have never taken the lead in birthing Marriage Missions International if I hadn’t supported her dream. (We now very much partner in this ministry together.) When you support and encourage each other’s dreams, you may never know the impact that will have on the world.

• You Still Flirt with Each Other.

My heart still skips a beat when Cindy walks into the room. This doesn’t happen by chance. It’s because we have continued through our forty-five-plus years of marriage to intentionally flirt with each other. I’ll (not so innocently) brush up against her when I walk by or gently touch her; and she’ll do the same to me. If we’re sitting across the room from each other when we’re with other people, I’ll catch her attention and wiggle my eyebrows up and down real fast. She will in turn bat her eyelashes back at me. Most people never notice, but we both get the silent message loud and clear: “I love you!” And our hearts are warmed.

• You Say, “I Love You” Often.

One of the first things we say to each other when we wake up and the last thing we say to each other in bed before we go to sleep are these three words. We’ll also say them several times throughout the day. If one of us leaves the house, even on a short errand, or at the end of every phone call, we say, “I love you.” Even during those times can be termed as being under the “worse” category above, we still say those three words.

They are three easy words, but they go unsaid too often in many marriages. Don’t be afraid to voice your feelings.

If you employ just these three things in your marriage you’ll reap unimaginable benefits when it comes to building an unbreakable partnership.”

In my research on this topic of marital partnership I came across a book called Beyond The Myth of Marital Happiness, written by Blaine J. Fowers, Ph.D. He has a chapter on marital partnership. He had some pretty astute insights: “When partners in a marriage value equality, they see each other as equals, treat each other with respect, consider each other’s needs, and support one another.” In it he talks about the:

Benefits of Equal Partnership

An equal partnership benefits marriages as a whole and benefits husbands and wives individually:

They have happier marriages.

Equal partnership fosters closeness between husband and wife, resulting in a stronger and happier marriage. Spouses feel better about themselves and each other, which makes them more likely to share their thoughts and feelings.

There are Benefits to Men.

Men benefit emotionally from equal partnership because there is greater openness and they feel better about their marriage. They also benefit from the greater physical intimacy that comes with equal partnership.

There are benefits to women.

The closer communication and emotional intimacy in an equal partnership greatly benefit women. Research shows that having an equal say in decision-making is the most important contributor to wives’ perception of their marriages as happy and satisfying.

Everything Fowers says is what Cindy and I have been telling couples for years. It is exactly what we believe God is calling each and every one of us as individuals and as couples to live out every day. It doesn’t matter if we are behind closed doors, or not. And each point is something we’ve experienced and employed in our marriage—and they work!

Something else I pray husbands come to understand (as I did) comes from the book Marriage Rebranded, written by Tyler Ward where he quotes something pastor Ray Ortlund told him:

“My wife was given to me to enrich me; to make me wiser, a better man, a better professional, and a better father . . . Once I stopped being so stubborn and learned to use our relationship and her voice as the asset that it is, everything changed.”

So, what’s your marriage like behind closed doors as well as what people see in public? Whether we like it or not we all influence others and set an example for others to follow. The question we pose is: Is it obvious to others that you are a couple in “Partnership With Each Other and With God?” If not, don’t be discouraged, you can be and we have a lot of tools on our web site as well as in our book The 7 ESSENTIALS To Grow Your Marriage to help you get to that place.

We pray this is helpful!

Steve and Cindy Wright

Marriage Insight - The Ordinary VS the Extraordinary Marriage

The Ordinary VS the Extraordinary Marriage

From the way we see it, all married couples that enter into marriage have 3 choices before them. (1) We can have a dysfunctional marriage (which we will give you links to below to help you if you find yourself in this place). But for the rest of this Insight we want to focus on our other two choices. (2) We can have an ordinary marriage. Or (3) we can build together an extraordinary marriage.

If we choose number 2 then we’ll settle for what the dictionary calls a marriage “of no special quality or interest; commonplace; unexceptional; plain or undistinguished.” If, on the other hand we work to make our marriage into an extraordinary one, it will “go beyond what is usual, regular, customary, noteworthy, and remarkable.”

Cindy and I started Marriage Missions International 17 years ago with the mission in mind of helping couples to REVEAL AND REFLECT THE HEART OF CHRIST WITHIN MARRIAGE. We believe that is what God wants from all of us so we can indeed have extraordinary marriages. Sadly, most marriages that we see in today’s world fall short of that goal. Couples settle for less than what God would have for them. But at the very least, we can reach for more of what God has for us, and that is our challenge to you.

The Extraordinary Marriage

So, what does it take to take our marriage from ordinary to extraordinary? Our friends Tom and Debi Walter of The Romantic Vineyard give this insight:

“What makes an extraordinary marriage is one where each spouse gives of themselves 100 per cent with a willingness to lay their lives down for the other. Difficult? Oh, yes! Especially during arguments where you KNOW you’re right. Possible? Only by the grace of God at work in both hearts.”

For most couples, dare I say, all couples, this doesn’t come naturally. It certainly hasn’t for me. And Cindy says that it hasn’t come naturally for her either. But it’s something we reach for, and by doing so, we stand amazed at how wonderful marriage can be.

By God’s grace we keep striving to make our marriage extraordinary, rather than just settling for ordinary. It’s something Cindy and I strive to do in marriage partnership together as we look to God to point us in the right direction. And by doing so, we stand amazed at how wonderful marriage can be. If you aren’t there, we pray that for you.

The following is a list that defines an extraordinary marriage. This list comes from Dustin Riechmann from the Engaged Marriage Blog Spot.

This is the Extraordinary Marriage:

• “It’s sacramental, Christ-centered and fully embracing of the Holy Trinity (it IS a Holy Trinity).

• “It serves as a vivid example of God’s love for His people.”

• The extraordinary marriage “takes two people and joins them together with the capacity to do more good than the sum of the individuals.

• “It lets two ordinary people combine their love of one another so powerfully that an entirely new person can be created by God, through them.”

• Additionally, “it’s based on a spirit of trust, open communication and deep mutual respect.

• It includes a lot of problems, difficulties, tough times and hurt feelings. But forgiveness and commitment overcome all obstacles.

• “It doesn’t ‘settle’ for the mediocrity and weakness that our culture says a ‘normal’ marriage should be.

• “An Extraordinary Marriage doesn’t quit.”

If you’re like me you will agree that all of the above are what we want to emulate in marriage. But there always seems to be the, “But I’m not sure I can do this.” I learned over the years that in and of my own strength I couldn’t do these things. Then I learned that it’s okay that “I” can’t do these because when I surrendered my “inabilities” to God He was able to build in me and show me how to do what I needed to in order to be the hero to Cindy. It’s applying the “I can do all things through Christ” principle.

Ordinary People CAN Grow an Extraordinary Marriage

It’s like what pastor Chip Ingram says in his post titled, God’s Looking for Ordinary People to Do Extraordinary Things. He writes:

“The issue isn’t that God’s power isn’t available to us or we aren’t smart enough or good enough. The issue is summed up in this verse:

“‘For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His…’ (2 Chronicles 16:9 NASB)

“God is looking to birth and fulfill great dreams in ordinary people who are completely committed to Him. He’s looking for people who believe in Him and believe that He is willing.

“Pursuing God’s great dreams for our lives begins when we have the courage and the faith to say to God, ‘I want to dream a great dream because you’re the kind of God who wants that for me.’

“If you long to be great in God’s eyes and make a spiritual impact in His Kingdom, my hope is that you would believe that God wants to use you!”

And then we must look to God and APPLY what He leads us to do. We won’t try to kid you… you won’t be able to build an extraordinary marriage over night. Cindy and I have been married for nearly forty-six years and we learn something new every day. We haven’t “arrived” in all we can do. But our marriage is already extraordinary, and as we keep applying what God teaches us, it just keeps getting better. We pray that for you.

Looking to God from the Place We Find Ourselves

As we look to God He shows us how we can improve and never settle for something that is “of no special quality or interest; commonplace; unexceptional; plain or undistinguished.”

Instead God shows us how to build a marriage that will “go beyond what is usual, regular, or customary; noteworthy; remarkable.” But let me be clear, this isn’t so we would be glorified but that God would always get the credit. He alone deserves the honor and the glory for what others see in our marriage relationship. Without Him, our human depravity blocks their vision of what is “good.”

Our prayer for you is that you would make that choice today and depend on God because you know that He wants that for you and your marriage as well. We have so many articles and resources available to help you. Below there are a few of them to kick start your efforts.

But First:

For those of you who are in dysfunctional marriages, we encourage you to look around this web site for a starting place to get to a better place within your marriage, and your life. We realize that you can’t build an extraordinary marriage all by yourself. You can’t get it to even a place where you have an “ordinary marriage.” But wherever you find yourself, there may be additional help for you. Here are a few topics (among many): • SAVE MY MARRIAGE. And then there is: • ABUSE IN MARRIAGE.

It may be that you are you may be living with an Unbelieving Spouse. Or perhaps you are dealing with Infidelity, Depression, Mental Health or Physical Health Issues, etc. Please look through the topics we make available for you to read through. Pray, search, read, glean, and see what God says to you that can help you. We pray God ministers to your heart as you lean upon God in this way.

Marriage Insight - Living in the Promised Love of Marriage

Living in the Promised Love of Marriage

In your wedding you made a vow to devotedly “love, honor, and cherish” each other until you are parted by death. Those promises seemed so easy to give at the beginning point of your married life together. Your love was fresh and new. But how do you keep these vows when promised love gets to be difficult and challenging to live out for the rest of your lives?

We know about this difficult challenge first hand. It’s something we faced earlier in our marriage. And it’s something we see many, many couples face at some point in their married lives. It’s also something you (or someone you know) may face too someday. Or perhaps you’re living in this dilemma even now.

So, to address this matter, below are a few things to prayerfully consider.

Living a Life of Promised Love

First, here’s something that C.S. Lewis points out:

“Being ‘in love’ is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also many things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go.

“And in fact, whatever people say, the state called ‘being in love’ usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending ‘They lived happily ever after’ is taken to mean ‘They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,’ then it says what probably was never was or ever could be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, and your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love.”

Love Beyond Feelings

“Love in this second sense—love as distinct from ‘being in love’ is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit, reinforced (in Christian marriages) by the grace, which both parents ask, and receive from God.

“They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.” (From the book, Mere Christianity)

So what do you do when the “explosion” of love dissipates, and you no longer feel like you love your spouse? What do you do when promised love seems too difficult to give any longer?

Walk in Love

It’s important to note what Lewis said here: “Ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love.” As a matter of fact, we’re told in Ephesians 5:1-2 to “Be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” We are to ‘walk in love’ in the same way that Jesus Christ loved us—sacrificially.

That is mandated to us much more so within our marriages.

“Our marriage is supposed to be a reflection of Christ and the Church. Christ does not fall out of love with us when we mess up. So why should we fall out of love with each other?” (Joshua Pease)

We most often fall out of love with each other because we can’t see beyond our own feelings. When marriage becomes difficult it takes a toll on how we feel about each other. That’s what happened to us. Our circumstances drove our feelings for each other to the point where we thought we had “lost” our love. But in reality, we hadn’t lost our love, we never had it tested to the degree that God knew we needed. It wasn’t proven. Our love was based on feelings that can fade. It wan’t based on the truth of godly promised love.

We thank God He woke us up to this Truth before we made the mistake of divorcing. We, and so many others, would have missed out on the best to come. (And of course, Marriage Missions wouldn’t be here.) That is why it’s important to note that:

Promised Love Requires More of Us

“There’s a difference between God’s love and the love that the world knows. If we aren’t careful, Christians can begin to adopt the world’s way of loving instead of God’s. The world says love is a feeling. When you stop feeling love for someone, it means you no longer love him or her. The world encourages you to love the lovable but gives you permission to hate your enemies. Jesus said loving those who love you is no great feat. It’s loving your enemies that prove you are a loving person (see: Matthew 5:46).

“Jesus commanded those who wanted to be his disciples to follow HIS standard for loving people rather than the world’s standard. Jesus directs us to love others in the same way he loves us. When Jesus saw us hopelessly enslaved to sin, he didn’t say, ‘I don’t feel like dying on a cross for them. I think I’ll wait until the feeling comes.’ He didn’t say, ‘I’ve tried and tried to love them but they always reject me. I give up!’” 

That’s what we were ready to do—give up. The feelings weren’t there any longer, so we were ready to part ways. It’s a lot like what Dr Gary Chapman wrote:

Promised Love Is Lost

“Couples often come to me in the midst of marriage difficulty, even at the point of separating. When I ask why they are considering such a step, they share their points of contention and conclude with the statement, ‘We just don’t love each other anymore.’ That is supposed to settle it. They say they have simply ‘lost’ their love, and it’s beyond their control. I don’t believe that. I’ll agree that they may have lost their warm romantic feelings, but real love is another matter.

“The Bible makes some strong statements about love within marriage. In Ephesians 5:25, husbands are commanded to love their wives. In Titus 2:4, wives are told that they must learn to love their husbands. Anything that can be commanded, and anything that can be taught and learned, is not beyond our control. 1 Corinthians 13 describes love as ‘being patient and kind, not arrogant or rude. It describes love as refusing to keep a score of wrongs and never holding on to grudges.

“These words are not describing a feeling. Rather, they are talking about the way we think and behave. We can love each other without having the ‘tingles’ for each other. In fact, the fastest way to see our emotions return is to start loving each other by acting in accordance with the above passage from 1 Corinthians 13.” (From The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional)

The Difficulty of Living Out Your Promised Love

We know this is a difficult thing to do. But it’s what God requires of us. Love is both a noun and a verb. It’s a state of being, and it’s something you do. And when you are living in the sanctity of marriage, as a “chord of three strands” with God, promised love is all the more important to keep. But it is important to do so. You made a vow with your spouse to do your part, and you made a vow with God to do your part.

Please pray about this. Ask God to show you what Love is really all about, beyond your understanding of it. When you do, God will partner with you in giving you wisdom, and strength to love beyond the way the world loves. God, whose very name is LOVE will teach you how to love in Truth.

Marriage Insight: Greeting Your Spouse with Warmth and Enthusiasm

Marriage Insight: Greeting Your Spouse with Warmth and Enthusiasm

When your spouse has been away for a while, how enthusiastic is your "hello greeting" to him or her? Does he or she sense that you are glad to be together again? We're hoping your answer is "yes!" Giving each other warm greetings is vitally important in loving and healthy marriages. This point came to mind when we came across the following marriage tip from Becca of The Dating Divas. They refer to greeting husbands, but the same principle applies to greeting wives, as well (so change the pronoun, if applicable): 

“Look Up and Light Up! Basically it means that when you’ve been apart from your spouse and he comes home – STOP what you are doing, look up and 'light up.' Let him see you smile & let him see that you’re glad he’s back. If you can, go greet him at the door and give him a big hug and a kiss. If you can’t, you can still look up and light up with your face. It’s such a small thing, but the way that we look at and welcome home our spouse can have a big effect on how loved they feel and can set a mood and tone for the rest of the evening."

Small gestures can make a big difference in the health of our marriages. Before marriage, you most likely greeted each other in enthusiastic ways; didn’t you? We’re encouraging you to keep up with those warm greetings. Your spouse still needs to feel like he or she is important to you. A wedding certificate didn’t change that need. So this is a friendly reminder to not allow familiarity to sabotage the loving way you greet each other. Don’t take your spouse for granted. Be intentional in greeting your spouse in loving, and even lavish ways that will make both of you smile.  

When he or she enters your home after being gone for a while, show that you care. Show by your words and body language that you’re glad he or she has reentered into your world together. Greet your spouse with even more enthusiasm than you greet other people. That’s the least you can do for “the love of your life.” And here's some additional advice given by Angie Makes: "And if you are the one coming home—find your spouse first. Before your kids, before your dog, and certainly before your phone. Spouse first." Make your greeting a good one!

As Stephen and Alex Kendrick point out, "A good greeting sets the stage for positive and healthy interaction. Like love, it puts wind in your sails." And it does. They also make another important point: "Your greeting and expressions of love don’t have to be bold and dramatic every time. But adding warmth and enthusiasm gives you the chance to touch your mate’s heart in subtle, unspoken ways." So light up your greeting with your spouse whenever it’s possible. Make sure your spouse knows you are enthusiastic to see him or her again after you’ve been apart.

And here’s a bonus tip: When one or both of you are leaving home, give your spouse a meaningful kiss to leave a lasting impression. Marriage expert, Dr. John Gottman gives the following advice to couples, "Don't leave home without a kiss that lasts six seconds." He also says, "A six-second kiss is a kiss with potential. It's a kiss worth coming home to." SO TRUE!

We encourage you to build upon your love for one another. ~ Cindy & Steve Wright

Marriage Insight: 4 Ways We Should Never Settle In Marriage

Marriage Insight: 4 Ways We Should Never Settle In Marriage

This week we’re sharing with you something our friend Debi Walter wrote. Debi and her husband Tom have the wonderful ministry of The Romantic Vineyard at Romanticvineyard.com. In this Insight, Debi points out something that is important for all of us to note when we are tempted to settle for that, which we shouldn’t. She writes:

There are times when settling is a good thing, like when you find a place to call home, or when you’re finally able to settle a long-standing argument. Settling on a purchase price of something means both parties are satisfied with the bottom line and agree no more negotiating is necessary. Settling also has permanence to it—like when an avalanche settles at the bottom of a mountain. Once the dust clears you know the pile of rocks is there for good. But there are times when we should never settle, especially in marriage. We should never settle in:

— Pursuing my spouse. Just because you said “I do” doesn’t mean you’ve said “I’m done”. The marriage is just beginning and your pursuit of them after marriage is more important than your pursuit of them before. Why? Because before you were trying to get them to commit to love you “for as long as you both shall live.” But after you’re married is when the real fun begins. Nights don’t have to end with a good night kiss at the front door. You can complete your heart’s desire as often as you like.

— Studying my spouse. Knowing their likes and dislikes and doing all you can to love them in the way that will mean the most to them.

— Resolving conflicts. If there are areas in your relationship that you know are hot spots, it does no good to ignore the issue. It won’t go away. It will only fester over time and cause even more damage. Do the hard work and get the help you need to resolve issues quickly.

— Love for God. When it comes to our personal relationship with The Lord, we can’t settle. If we do we aren’t standing still. Instead, we are drifting further apart. It takes a daily commitment to grow in our relationship with God. He desires our time and affection. And giving it to Him wholeheartedly is the best thing we can do to grow our marriage.

Settling brings stagnation and stifles our forward movement. Like a stream that no longer flows to the sea; if there’s a dam blocking the water, it stagnates and attracts all kinds of unwanted pests. It’s best to deal with the blockage and allow the stream to flow freely again. It will not only be best for your relationship, but also for all those who know and love you.

In what ways have YOU settled?

Please know that our prayers are with you that you “settle” only in the areas of marriage, which will make your relationship stronger. If you need prayer, please go to the Marriage Missions Prayer Wall at: https://marriagemissions.com/submit-your-prayer-request/  It’s there that we will join you in prayer for your marriage concern.

Steve and Cindy Wright

OPEN HEAVENS DAILY DEVOTIONAL: ABIDE IN CHRIST.

OPEN HEAVENS DAILY DEVOTIONAL

DATE:  SUNDAY 17TH DECEMBER 2017

THEME:  ABIDE IN CHRIST.


MEMORISE:
If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. John 15:7


READ: John 15:4-7

15:4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.

15:5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.

15:6 If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.

15:7 If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.


MESSAGE:

The lord Jesus Christ gave out several great invitations while He was on earth, and these invitations are still open to us today. If only you can accept them, your life will never be the same again. He says to us “Come and eat”, “Come and drink”, and “Come and follow me” (John 21:12, John 7:37, Mark 8:34). To follow Him, you must deny yourself of certain desires and lusts, take up your cross daily by being ready to live the sacrificial life that He demands, and put your feet where He trod, while carefully studying the paths that He walked (1 Peter 2:21). May God grant you the grace to truly follow Him! Today, on different social media networks, quite a lot of people have a great followership. There is no better person to follow than Jesus Christ! Following some of the characters on social media networks cannot add anything good to your life, but following Jesus will add both earthly benefits and eternal rewards to you (Mcark 10:29-30). The best thing that can ever happen to you is to follow Jesus! A good follower of Jesus is a good disciple of Christ.


In addition, the Lord invites His children to abide in Him. In John 15:5, Jesus says if you abide in Him, you will bear much fruit. Abiding in him is one secret of fruitfulness in the kingdom of God. If you want to be able to win a lot of souls to Christ, you must take time to ensure that He permanently resides in you and you in Him. It is only then that His life will fully and freely flow through you. If you are still toying with sin, you cannot be fruitful from God’s perspective. Also, abiding in Him gives you the assurance that all your prayers will be answered (John 15:7). When all your requests are granted, what more can you wish for? This is where God wants all his children to be and not just some of them. Are all your prayers being answered? If only some have been answered, then you really need to look at your present relationship with Christ and do some more work on your love towards Him, your faith in Him, your devotion to Him, and your obedience to Him, and study of His word. You need to look at how consistent you are in His presence and go deeper in Him. Don’t stop until all your prayers are answered! Don’t stop until you are most fruitful!


ACTION POINT:
On social media networks today, so many people who are being followed are leading their followers to Hell. Watch who you follow!


BIBLE IN ONE YEAR:
Revelation 17-19
Zachariah 4:1-5:4
                                                                                                         

AUTHOR: PASTOR E. A. ADEBOYE


HYMN 14: TAKE MY LIFE

1.  Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in endless praise.

2.  Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee.

3. Take my voice and let me sing,
Always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee.

4.  Take my silver and my gold,
Not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.

5. Take my will and make it Thine,
It shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own,
It shall be Thy royal throne.

6. Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee.

Marriage Insight: Marital Harmony at Family Gatherings

Marriage Insight: Marital Harmony at Family Gatherings

Christmas is time when multitudes of families from all over the world gather together to celebrate. But even though this is supposed to be a time of joyful celebration, some family gatherings also include times that are not at all enjoyable. It’s a sad truth. So, below are a few tips to help you & your spouse survive and even enjoy marital harmony at those difficult family gatherings:

• “Holidays can be stressful. We’re often with people who are difficult to be around. You don’t have to like what family members do. But you do need to show love and grace. Dr Minirth, a Christian psychiatrist, warns that this is NOT the time to try to fix your family. There are 364 other days of the year to address problems.” (Keryn Horwood)

• Keep in mind: “You and your spouse don’t have to go to a party just because you’re invited to it. Be good stewards of your time and energy. Even Jesus, the Son of God knew He had to retreat from the clamor of the crowds for quiet times with His Father to renew His strength. Pace yourselves and find the balance between togetherness and separateness.” (Deborah Tyrell)

• Please know that: "Every family has their own ‘unique’ family members. Part of your plan should anticipate these family members and how you will respond to them when they show off just how unique they are. Plan these out ahead of time so no one is caught off guard. Also, make sure to plan out what time you’re going home. This gives you & your spouse an excuse to leave instead of getting caught as you make your way to the door." (Aaron Anderson)

• And if you do “get caught”: "When you’re confronted with what feels like a no-win situation involving an in-law, use the 'drop the rope' theory. Imagine a rope, the kind used in tug-of-war. If you find yourself provoked, see that rope in your hands. You can choose to continue yanking on it —or drop it. Dropping it may sound as though you’re giving in or giving up, but it’s actually very empowering. It’s also much more effective than tugging back and forth." (Romie Hurley)

• "Because unconditional love doesn’t naturally exist between in-laws [& some family members], it’s a decision that must be made and then acted on daily. 'Love your enemies,' we’re instructed (Matthew 5:44). This command crushes all our legitimate reasons for negative feelings toward an in-law. Regardless of those 'feelings,' we’re to act in love." (Elisabeth Graham)

To help you even more, we include a lot more tips within this Insight posted on the Marriage Missions web site at: https://marriagemissions.com/marital-harmony-family-gatherings/  But for this mailing, we want to close with one last tip that is especially important to note and apply:

 • "Put it all into perspective: 'First & foremost, Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of Christ. When we lose sight of that & focus on our family get-togethers and the obligations of smiling and hugging people with whom we hold grudges, we take our eyes off of Christ. When we remember that Christmas is about the celebration of the birth of Christ, we are able to more clearly see others through His eyes. This means that we aren’t as likely to see the hurt in our relationships but the way that Christ loves that person who has hurt or harmed us.” (Cheryl Dickow)

This applies whether it is family members that are causing problems or perhaps it’s even your spouse. Put it all in perspective. Celebrate Christ. Look over the tips again and do what you can to keep your eyes on Jesus so you reveal and reflect the love of Christ to everyone God brings into your life during this blessed time of celebration! May God bless you all the more as you do!

Cindy and Steve Wright

Marriage Insight: Peace on Earth and a Peaceful Home

Marriage Insight: Peace on Earth and a Peaceful Home

As people all over the world are turning their eyes and activities towards Christmas, we often hear the angelic phrase repeated, “Peace on earth and goodwill to men.” But what about experiencing peace within our homes? Isn’t that to be our goal, as well? The Bible says: “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.“ (Hebrews 12:14) "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." (Romans 12:18 ESV)

So, in the pursuit of peaceful moments this Christmas season, we would like to share with you a few tips that we pray will help. First, remember: ~ “The holidays can be especially stressful. The expectations are high, the demands unrelenting, and the pressure ever-building. When there seems to be no way to alleviate the pressure, a CHANGE IN OUR OUTLOOK is the secret to making the holidays more than just an anxiety-inducing frenzy of greedy kids, visiting family members, and never-ending church activities.” (Keryn Horwood)

~ “Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.“(Philippians 4:5-7)

~ “This year, when you’re planning your gathering of family and friends, I urge you to set aside a ‘fellowship’ time when everyone can sit in a circle and take turns really listening to one another. Ask these questions: ‘what were you most thankful for this past year? What have you learned from the past year? How would you like to grow next year?’ If you take the time for authentic fellowship with your family and friends, I guarantee that everyone will remember it far longer than if you merely socialize with them.” (Rick Warren)

~ “Accepting others as they are can be the biggest gift you give yourself. Holidays can be stressful because we’re often with people who are difficult to be around. You don’t have to approve or like what your family members do. But you do need to show love and grace to them. Dr Minirth, a noted Christian psychiatrist, warns that this is also not the time to try to fix your family. You can have a personal goal of showing love and peace to a difficult family member, however. There are other days of the year to address other problems.” (Keryn Horwood)

~ Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:32-35) These are words we must always keep as our goal—to reveal and reflect the love of Christ with our spouse, and everyone we are with.

We have more tips that can help us to live in peaceful homes and bring peace into other homes, as we visit them. Please go to https://marriagemissions.com/peace-earth-peaceful-home/ to read them. And as You strive to make yours a peaceful home: “May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ to whom be the glory for ever and ever.” (Hebrews 13:20-21)

Cindy and Steve Wright

Marriage Insight: Rearranging Our Hearts in Thankfulness to God

Marriage Insight: Rearranging Our Hearts in Thankfulness to God

We just celebrated a wonderful holiday known as Thanksgiving. It's one of our very favorites. That is because it is an official holiday dedicated to focusing our hearts, sometimes rearranging our hearts in thanks to God. Yes, we should ALWAYS give thanks to God, according to scripture, & in the tugging of our hearts. We are told in Colossians 3:17: "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." But too often we forget. And when we do remember to be thankful, we often forget to thank GOD. 

On that note, & in honor of our gracious Lord, we want to share something our dear friend, Debi Walter, shared on her web site—The Romantic Vineyard. It's a web site we encourage everyone to visit. You can gain a lot of great romantic ideas. But a few years back Debi posted something we've been thinking about a lot lately. Please prayerfully consider the following with us:

"Have you noticed how thankful people are this time of year? It used to be refreshing to hear people actually thanking God for His many blessings in their lives. But there has been a subtle change that I’ve noticed. Many no longer thank God. Instead they thank their co-workers, their boss, their spouse, their friends, and anyone who makes their lives better. They simply give thanks! Now of course it’s good to give thanks to those who mean the most to us. But Thanksgiving is primarily about setting aside time to thank God for His abundant provisions, His glorious kindness and His amazing grace to us throughout the year.

"May we encourage you that as you go about planning your menu and family gatherings to be sure and set aside time to thank God specifically for the ways in which He has made a difference in your life. Why does it matter? Because thanking God glorifies His name. And when we glorify His name He is exalted. And when He is exalted we in turn are blessed all the more. It is part of His nature, to return blessings upon us as we praise His holy name."

We couldn't have said it any better. Yes, it's important to thank our spouse, co-workers, boss, friends, etc., for the ways in which they bless us. We encourage it. But even then, none of those blessings would be possible without them first passing through God's hands. After all, our every breath is in his hands. Steve's near fatal heart attack made this point all the more real to us last year. Thank you God for your grace in allowing us another year plus together… happy & healthy! But Heaven help us... actually GOD help us, if we forget the One who is the originator of every good gift we have. We're told in James 1:17, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."

So thank you God, from the depths of our hearts for all of the many blessings that You give to us. Thank You LORD... Thank You... for our very breath, THANK YOU! We hope you will join us in giving thanks now, and throughout the year. And if you can make the time & take the opportunity, ask your spouse (perhaps your family too) a very important question. Then listen with a grateful heart. It's a question that Steve posed to us at our Thanksgiving Day table. Here's it is: "Where have you seen God's goodness at work in your life this year?" Think about it, talk together about it, and then thank God for all of it. Even in the midst of our difficulties, God is watching, and will redeem every tear shed as you keep your eyes on Him. Thank Him for that, if for no other reason …thank God for that. In the midst of Doubt Storms, in the midst of trials, God loves you. Please don’t ever forget that fact because it is true. For that reason and beyond, THANK YOU GOD!

And please know that we “thank God for our every remembrance of you”… Cindy & Steve Wright 

Holy Ghost Congress Jingle.

The Holy Ghost Congress of The Redeemed Christian Church of God

The Holy Ghost Congress of The Redeemed Christian Church of God

Marriage Insight: A Thanksgiving Focus on Marriage

Marriage Insight: A Thanksgiving Focus on Marriage

“Here in the States [and other parts of the world], we commemorate a day of Thanksgiving. Yes, we’re supposed to continually give thanks to God. But this is also a holiday dedicated to do just that. We love it! Too often—especially in our married lives we forget to focus on our blessings. But even in the toughest of situations we can focus that, for which we can be thankful.

We totally agree with something that Dr Lee Baucom wrote in an article titled, "Thanksgiving and Marriage": “Marriages tend to suffer when we spend our time thinking about what we don’t have. When we compare our spouse to someone else, or focus on the weaknesses of our relationship, or find all that makes us unhappy, we move in that direction. There is an endless list of people to whom we can compare our spouse. And we have a nearly infinite list of weaknesses in our relationship. But for today, just today, change the flow. Focus on what you are thankful for. What about the relationship do you cherish? What about your spouse do you treasure? If your answer is ‘nothing,’ you are not looking fairly or deeply.

“When we focus on what we are thankful for, a magical thing happens. We find more things for which to be thankful! We turn off the critical switch in our brain for just an instant. For a split second, we exist in an area of appreciation. And our task is to expand that appreciation into more and longer moments.”

This expresses our sentiments exactly. We can focus on that, which is negative or wrong. Or we can focus on the blessings we have. We’re told in the Bible to “give thanks in all circumstances, because this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." We realize that this is especially difficult for many of you who are struggling in your marriages. And for that we are sorry. You feel alone, though married & abandoned, even though God has told you He would “never abandon you.” You may want to see His hand, His care, and His presence, but you don’t. However, we hope that something that Paul David Tripp wrote in his book, "What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage" ministers to your heart through these tough times. He wrote:

“Our purpose for marriage tends to be different from the Lord’s. Our desire is that our marriages would be the location of our comfort, ease, and enjoyment. We often have desires no bigger than this. But God’s purpose is that each of our marriages would be a tool for something that is way more miraculous and glorious than our tiny, little, self-focused definition of happiness. He has designed marriage to be one of his most effective and efficient tools of personal holiness. He has designed your marriage to change you.”

He also makes this point, “God is in control, not only of the locations in which you live, but also of the influences that have shaped you as a person. He has not only written the story of you & your spouse and determined that your stories would intersect but he has controlled all the things that have made you different from one another. As you struggle, you must not view your marriage as bad luck, or poor planning. Don’t view it as a mess that you made for yourself. No, God is right smack-dab in the middle of your struggle. He is not surprised by what you are facing today. He is up to something.” The question is: will you participate with Him or will you struggle against the work He is trying to accomplish WITHIN & THROUGH you?

Open Heavens Devotional - DOES OUR WORSHIP BENEFIT GOD?

OPEN HEAVENS DAILY DEVOTIONAL

DATE: SUNDAY NOVEMBER 12TH 2017

THEME: DOES OUR WORSHIP BENEFIT GOD?

Memorise:

I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from my enemies. Psalm 18:3

Read: Revelation 5:11-13

5:11 And I beheld, and I heard the voice of many angels round about the throne and the beasts and the elders: and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands;

5:12 Saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing.

5:13 And every creature which is in heaven, and on the earth, and under the earth, and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, heard I saying, Blessing, and honour, and glory, and power, be unto him that sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb for ever and ever.

Message:

Giving is a common and crucial activity that every serious minded believer in Christ should regularly engage in. The wise believer would hear this and flow with it, but those who think they are “smart” will hear and ignore it to their own undoing. Luke 6:38 says that you should give and it shall be given to you. Have you ever asked yourself who benefits when you give to God? Can you make God richer by giving to the Owner of the universe? Can you add to the Owner of silver and gold by giving to Him? Everything you have, you received from Him (1 Corinthians 4:7). You are the one who gains from giving to God. When you refuse to give, who loses? The Holy Spirit answers that question in Proverbs 11:24:

“There is that scattereth, and yet increaseth; and there is that withholdeth more than is meet, but it tendeth to poverty.”

If you fail to give, you are the one who loses. Your giving determines how far you go in life. Overflowing abundance is a product of sacrificial giving. If you have been sowing sacrificially to God and His Kingdom but you have not yet reached the level of swimming in abundance, you should be celebrated. Why? It is because you are not likely to die until God pays you back in full. The One who said we should owe no man cannot afford to owe you.

Moreover, when you praise God, who gains? Can your praise add to Him in reality? In Psalm 18:1-3, David said several things about who God was to him. He said God is worthy to be praised, because he realized that when he praised God, he got delivered from his enemies. In other words, refusing to praise God would have resulted in him becoming a casualty in the hands of his enemies. So who loses if you refuse to praise God? Today’s Bible reading talks about God’s mass choir in Heaven. It says the size is something like 100 trillion. If God has such a great choir of angels and saved souls worshiping Him, what difference will adding or subtracting your voice from it make? Do you think that God will miss your voice? Therefore, who gains from worshiping and praising God? It is you! Every time God demands that we give something to Him, it is for our own good and not His. Only the fellow who wants to deceive himself or herself will think otherwise.

Action Point:
Serve and worship God because your life, joy and peace depend on it.

BIBLE IN ONE YEAR:
Job 25-29
Amos 2:4-3:2 

AUTHOR: PASTOR E. A. ADEBOYE

HYMN 3:   HOW GREAT THOU ART

1. O Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Chorus:
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art! How great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art! How great Thou art!

2. When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.

[Chorus]

3. And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.

[Chorus]

4. When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then shall I bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim, "My God, how great Thou art!"

[Chorus]

Marriage Insight: Favorite Marriage Advice – Part Two

Marriage Insight: Favorite Marriage Advice – Part Two

Last week Cindy shared with you some of her all time favorite advice for marriage that she has gleaned over the years. This week I (Steve) have the honor of sharing with you a few of my favorites. Some of it will be directed specifically toward the guys. That’s because my passion is to help husbands love their wives in such a way that honors God.

Al Janssen, from his book, “The Marriage Masterpiece,” puts it this way: "One of the original purposes of marriage as God intended it in the Garden of Eden was to reflect his image. That means marriage is about something bigger than the two of us. Marriage is one of God’s primary means of speaking to the world, and the world takes notice when a man truly loves his wife the way ‘Christ loves his church.’"

Janssen went on to give us men how this looks in practical terms: "I have numerous opportunities every day to give up what I want to do and instead serve my wife. In this way, I glorify God because my sacrifice is a reflection of his heart and how he loves his bride. I’ve finally realized that my marriage is satisfying to the degree that I daily sacrifice myself for my wife’s good. What does that mean?

• It means biting my tongue when I’d rather defend myself against something she said.

• It means getting up in the middle of the night when a child cries rather than pretending I don’t hear anything.

• It means putting down my reading material and really listening when she wants to talk.

• It means taking over some chores when she’s got a hectic day.

• It means cleaning the kitchen Sunday evening rather than leaving the mess for her to face on Monday morning.

• It means that when I’m accidentally exposed to porn while channel surfing in a hotel room far from home, I shut off the TV because I won’t allow any impure thoughts to invade my marriage.”

I can tell you that when I started to practice Janssen’s principles in our marriage it transformed our marriage. One of the other principles that dramatically changed our marriage was when Cindy and I realized how important it was for us to have a “grace based marriage.” Dr. Tim Kimmel and his wife, Darcy, explain it this way:

“When people see a husband and wife relating to each other in a context of God’s grace, when they see us go to the foot of the cross when we’ve lost our way, when they see us still caring for each other when life has given us many reasons to walk out, the gospel is validated.  We may never know how much God’s grace rubs off of us onto others.  But it does.  When we take our spiritual purpose to heart, our sense of significance grows eternal muscles.  It’s what happens when we make it our priority to reflect God’s majesty through grace-filled marriages.” (From “Grace Filled Marriage”)

Marriage Insight: Favorite Marriage Advice

Marriage Insight: Favorite Marriage Advice

In this Insight, we're giving some of our favorite marriage advice (with more posted on our web site at: https://marriagemissions.com/favorite-marriage-advice/ . This week I will give my favorites; next week Steve will give his. We’d LOVE IT if you would post some of your favorites on the web site to help others. With that said, please prayerfully consider the following advice:

-- Before you marry: "Love convinces a couple that they are the greatest romance that has ever been, that no two people have ever loved as they do, and that they will sacrifice absolutely anything in order to be together. And then marriage asks them to prove it." (Mike Mason)

-- "Marriage is more than sharing a life together; it’s building a life together. What you do now is for both, & what is said now is for both. Your purpose is now is for the kingdom & giving glory to the image of God." (Norm Wright) "Be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us & gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (Ephesians 5:1)

-- Take care of your marriage relationship & it will take care of you: "It's a sad state of affairs when we take better care of our cars & houses than we do our marriages. We change the oil, fill the tank & periodically tune up our cars. We change light bulbs, wash windows, paint walls, unplug toilets, and re-roof our houses, but what do we do to maintain our marriage? The truth is: more damage is done than repairs are made. How important is your marriage? Is it more important to you than your car or your home? Are you willing to put in the time and energy it takes to prove to your partner how valuable the relationship truly is to you?" (Dr Steve Stephens)

-- Keep in mind: "Marriage can be wonderful. It can be deeply satisfying & mutually fulfilling. But if it becomes that, it is because both partners have paid a very high price over many years to make it that way. They will have died to selfishness a thousand times. They will have had countless difficult conversations. They will have endured sleepless nights and strained days. They will have prayed hundreds of prayers for wisdom and patience and courage and understanding. They will have said, 'I’m sorry' too many times to remember. They will have been stretched to the breaking point often enough to have learned that, unless Christ is at the center of both their lives, the odds for achieving marital satisfaction are very, very low." (Bill and Lynne Hybels)

-- As far as resolving marital conflict, note: “If we strive to seek the Light, rather than trying to be right, a lot of our marital problems will resolve themselves.” (Unknown) The “Light” referred to is Jesus. We are to put our energy into seeking Jesus & HIS ways—not in getting our own way.

-- "Marriage is for grown-ups. It is not for those that want to 'play' marriage." A great guideline is in the scripture in 1 Corinthians 13:11 where says, "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I reasoned like a child, I thought like a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things." When you say, "I do" you are to say goodbye to acting in immature ways. Marriage is for GROWN-UPS.

-- When things go in an unhealthy direction in your marriage, remember: "You are not responsible for fixing your marriage. But you are responsible for doing what you can to make it better." (Sheila Wray Gregoire) "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:18) Keep in mind: "The issue isn’t whether you fight…it's how you fight & how rich your stockpile of good feelings is about each other to weather difficulties and keep your attitude toward your partner positive." (Dr John Gottman)

I'm ending with some of the best advice ever given for we interact as husband and wife: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:29-32)

May God help us all to grow our marriages to reveal & reflect Christ ~ Cindy & Steve Wright