Marriage Insights - Quotes on “Preparing for Marriage” Part 2

Quotes on “Preparing for Marriage”

• Q: I’m a young woman and I met a young man recently where I work. He asked me out and he’s proposing a relationship. I like him a lot but when I ask him about his faith, he told me that though he is a Christian, he does not bring his faith into the relationship. I decided I couldn’t have a relationship with such person. Am I too hasty in my decision?

A: I believe you have made a wise choice. While it’s good to ask someone “Are you a Christian?” before you begin dating, it’s better to ask, “Are you a follower of Jesus?” They may sound the same, but there’s a huge difference. Someone may say they’re a Christian because they were confirmed when they were 12 or grew up in a Christian home. When you ask if they’re a follower of Jesus, then you’re asking whether or not they read their Bible, pray regularly and are growing in their relationship with God. If a person just says they’re a Christian, you can make a lot of assumptions that may or may not be true.

Before you begin dating, find out about the persons character. Remember that character will also manifest itself in self-control. How does the person respond to frustration and disappointment? Does the person treat you with respect —verbally, spiritually and physically? Do they know their own boundaries? All of this is linked to one’s faith. You don’t want to date someone who claims Christianity, but has no desire to grow in their relationship with the Lord. That is a road you don’t want to go down. (Gary Smalley)

• Marriage is not to be entered into unadvisably or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.When you consider marriage in these terms, you may wonder how two relatively immature individuals can make such an awesome commitment. Too often, we tend to focus everything on the wedding ceremony and little or nothing on marriage. We see the beauty of the ceremony but miss the beauty and wonder of the covenant. We sometimes also miss the fact that we are embarking on one of the most difficult journeys of our lives, one that does not begin on the wedding day. (Kay Cole James, What I Wish I’d Known Before I God Married)

• Gen-Xers have things so romanticized that they think if they’ve found the “right person” —the right “compatible” match — then their main work is done. We don’t need to teach them to value marriage or to have more courtly or romantic courtships — they’ve got that down. We need to help them get smarter about —to wise up about —marriage. And, we can! (From: archives at  Smartmarriages.com  Subject: Starter marriage: A new term for early divorce)

• If we marry before the age of 21, we are at high risk for divorce. The average age for marriage now is 25 for women and 27 for men. But wait. Risk again increases if we wait too long to tie the knot. “If you marry after the age 30, marriage happiness drops a lot,” said Dr. Popenoe. Why? We have more personal baggage and higher independence at that age, he said. (Smart Marriages.com, Subject: The Mechanics of Marriage)