Lessons Learned from Africa
Several years ago we took a trip to Kenya, Africa to visit our son and daughter-in-law who were living there at the time. We pray we will never forget the many things we learned while we were there. We’d like to share with you a few marriage thoughts that the Lord revealed to Cindy and to me that have made a lasting impression upon our hearts. We pray they will minister to your marriage as well.
CINDY: Our son introduced us one day to a man whose name is Peter, who had been a great friend to him. Our son told us what a great guy he was; how helpful he’d been to him, and how much respect he had for him.
But what especially touched our hearts was what occurred after our initial greeting. He turned to Steve and asked him, “Tell me brother, are you born-again?” Steve said, “Why yes I am, and so is Cindy.” Peter rejoiced with us in the Lord and said, “I ask everyone I meet that question because I want everyone to know my Jesus.”
Our conversation together was wonderful. But what especially impressed us was the fact that our son, who is a prodigal, held such admiration for this godly man. As a matter of fact, it seemed like everywhere we turned, God brought other believers our way. We were able to see a glimpse of God at work in our son’s life. Even though Steve and I couldn’t see what God was doing, He was still at work.
There are two main lessons that we learned through this. One is that we can’t always trust what we THINK is happening. If you have a prodigal child, family member, or a prodigal spouse, keep praying and trusting God that even if you can’t SEE God working, you can still trust that He is. Keep praying and believing.
And secondly, this event illustrated to me what it says in Matthew 5: “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”
Just as Peter was one of the many “lights” in our sons life, you and your spouse can be “lights” in this world as well. May you treat each other in such godly ways, that when those who don’t know our God in a personal way, see how you live out your married life, they will want to know your God as well!
The question we pose to you is, do you allow the light of the Lord to so shine in how you treat your marriage partner that it benefits “everyone in the house” (and outside of it as well)?
It’s not too difficult to treat your spouse in a positive way when things are going smoothly. But the challenge comes when your spouse upsets you somehow. Are you dimming the “light” of your countenance and actions, putting them under a “bowl” of resentment and apparent agitation — choosing when and where you will let it come through?
It’s not that you can’t ever get upset, but there is a difference between respectfully handling what needs to be done and blanketing everyone around you with a shadow of inappropriate behavior.
I have to admit that personally I do at times allow that to happen, when I shouldn’t. There’s no escape clause in those verses to tell us when to honor the Lord by shining His light and when it’s o.k. to hide it because our spouses actions displease us. As Dr Charles Swindoll said, “When we glorify God, it has a powerful impact on others. They’ll learn from our example and want to glorify Him as well.” May you treat your spouse “as unto the Lord!”
Our basic reason for existence, after all, is to “bring maximum glory to our God.” We forget about that too often in our homes. We can be nice to others on the outside, but when it comes to our own family, we sometimes put the light of Christ under a “bowl.”
Of course others don’t usually push at our patience and cause such a disturbances within us as our marriage partner can. That’s where we need to look to the Lord to help us to live out God’s principles so we allow the Light and love of the Lord to come forth despite any negative behavior on their part.
We pray that God will work in your life in such a way, that they will see your “good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.“(For further reflection, read 1 Peter 3,Ephesians 5:8-17, and 1 Thessalonians 5:5-11.)
STEVE: In Kenya, I was reminded that if we’re going to truly succeed at anything it’s going to require perseverance. For the large percentage of Kenyans who are out of work, perseverance means finding enough food and ordinary necessities to survive another day. They seem to have a different measuring stick entirely for determining success. And for this reason, they DO survive!
And yet we couldn’t get over the smiles we encountered everywhere we went and how those we met kept asking us if we “liked” their country. When we would say that we indeed did, their smiles grew larger and they were well pleased. It was a real lesson for us to not only persevere under trials as they did —but not to lose the “smile” along the way.
How I apply this to marriage is that if we want our marriages to succeed, it will mean having an attitude of perseverance. In spite of the problems and heartaches that comes into our relationships, we WILL survive, if we apply God’s principles. It may be “just one day at a time” but in God’s strength, we will make it.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to cling to Galatians 6:9 where the Apostle Paul says, “Do not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.“ This determination to persevere in marriage has nothing to do with “feelings” because feelings can deceive us, just like the enemy of our faith.
In his book, Secrets of the Vine, Bruce Wilkinson made this comment in talking about his wife Darlene, “My love is constant —but my feelings for her are far different during an argument than they are during a candlelight dinner.” Then he said, “We don’t measure the depth of our relationship by feelings at any particular moment.”
Man! Can I relate! There are times when my feelings for Cindy are deeper than the deepest ocean —while at other times, I’m barely treading water. But I’m determined that though my feelings may change —my love (that God gives me when I ask for it) and my commitment won’t. And God is faithful to bless and shine His “Light” and love in and through us as His witnesses, so we allow God’s “smile” to come forth in our lives.
We pray that for you. “May the Lord direct your heart into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance“ (2 Thessalonians 3:5).
We are asking God to “fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God“(Colossians 1:9-10).
Steve and Cindy Wright
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