“It is easy to say we love God when that love doesn’t cost us anything more than weekly attendance at religious services. But the real test of our love for God is how we treat the people right in front of us—our family members and fellow believers. We cannot truly love God while neglecting to love those who are created in His image”(Commentary statements from the New Life Application Bible in reference to 1 John 4:20-21).
Our Lord Jesus Christ demonstrated LOVE to us, in its truest form, and we are to take note from His example. The Bible says: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who being in the very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross“(Philippians 2:3-8).
We often have a problem when in every day living we’re challenged to love our spouse in a way that requires emptying ourselves of wanting things to be done our own way and serving them when we don’t want to. But when we neglect these “opportunities” we miss being faithful in the little things that display our love for God. We miss the chance to “offer hospitality to one another without grumbling“ as the Bible tells us in 1 Peter 4:8.
Author Ellyn Sanna explains it this way:
“Our families are small communities, and within them we experience a ‘magnitude’ of opportunities for service. We’re accustomed to thinking of Christian service in terms that are nobler, more dramatic, more like Mother Teresa in the slums of Calcutta or Florence Nightingale on the battlefields of the Crimean war.
“But even for women like Mother Teresa and Florence Nightingale, service boils down to simple assistance in ‘trifling, external things.’ This means things as matching socks, packing lunches, or wiping kitchen tables. ‘Be faithful in little things,’ Mother Teresa advises, ‘for in them our strength lies.’
“Self-righteous, self-centered service demands visible external rewards, but the sort of service that Jesus modeled doesn’t concern itself with results. Instead, it’s contented even with obscurity.
“Jeremy Taylor’s ‘Rule and Exercises of Holy Living,’ written in the seventeenth century, says that we should ‘love to be concealed, and little esteemed; be content to lack praise, never be troubled when thou art slighted or undervalued.’ We need to remind ourselves that our value springs from God’s love. We find our truest identities in the midst of His unmerited grace.”
What God laid upon our hearts through these thoughts is: marriage is not about us. It’s about reflecting the love of God through our words, and “regarding each other as more important than ourselves” in how we treat each other.
Al Janssen in his excellent book, Your Marriage Masterpiece says it well. He says:
Meaning in marriage is not found by pursuing happiness or self-fulfillment. Meaning in marriage is discovered by practicing self-sacrifice. …How does this play out in daily life? In much the same way it happens for an athlete. If a team wants to win a championship, every player must sacrifice daily by training and following the coach’s instructions.
I have numerous opportunities every day to give up what I want to do and instead serve my wife. In this way, I glorify God because my sacrifice is a reflection of His heart and how He loves His bride. I’ve finally realized that my marriage is satisfying to the degree that I daily sacrifice myself for my wife’s good. What does that mean?
• It means biting my tongue when I’d rather defend myself against something she said.
• It means getting up in the middle of the night when a child cries rather than pretending I don’t hear anything.
• It means putting down my reading material and really listening when she wants to talk.
• It means taking over some chores when she’s got a hectic day.
• It means cleaning the kitchen Sunday evening rather than leaving the mess for her to face on Monday morning.
• It means that when I’m accidentally exposed to porn while channel surfing in a hotel room far from home, I shut off the television because I won’t allow any impure thoughts to invade my marriage.
One of the original purposes of marriage as God intended it in the Garden of Eden was to reflect His image. That means marriage is about something bigger than the two of us. Marriage is one of God’s primary means of speaking to the world, and the world takes notice when a man truly loves His wife the way Christ loves His church.
An athlete doesn’t enjoy the pain of serious training. But he trains for the future reward of winning. This is the challenge for marriage-to sacrifice my momentary definition of happiness for the long-term good of my spouse, thus reflecting God’s heart and earning His praise, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
Marriage becomes a masterpiece when I choose to surrender my selfishness and give myself to my wife. That is a daily challenge. But as hard as it is for me to love as Christ loves, I think wives have a harder job submitting to their husbands as the Christ. I can think of many an evening when I’ve thanked my wife for preparing another wonderful meal, and she has said, “I didn’t feel like fixing dinner tonight.” What compelled her to do it? Sure, she knows that her husband and family expect it. But it is also her sacrifice for Christ.
My wife accepts primary responsibility for the day-to-day care and nurture of our 3 children, staying on top of details about school and making sure their physical and emotional needs are met.
I have an amazing ability not to see what needs to be done around the house. My wife finds an unending list of work to do, and I sometimes have to remind her that it’s okay to let some things slide.
I wish I could say we succeed in always loving each other sacrificially. Of course, we fail often, but one consolation is that we’re in the game. Every athlete knows he can’t be a hero unless he’s actually playing in the game. My wife and I have new opportunities to demonstrate sacrificial love, and when we fail our covenant reminds us that the next day we have a chance to try again to get it right.” (Your Marriage Masterpiece: God’s Amazing Design for Your Life Together by AL Janssen was published by Tyndale House Publishers)
If you’re like us, you’ve failed many times too. But we’ve stayed “in the game” and we’re thankful that grace was given for a “new beginning.” Did you fail in some way today in your marriage? If so, confess it, asking God to help you to do better tomorrow. And take it a step further —look for ways to out-serve your spouse. Show love through your actions “as unto the Lord.”
by AL Janssen was published by Tyndale House Publishers)
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