Romancing Your Spouse

“I’m convinced that the lack of dating and romance in marriage is one of the major causes of broken relationships. Marriages usually don’t collapse overnight. They become bankrupt gradually because they lack daily deposits of love, communication, and affirmation.” (Doug Fields)

Photo by: Imagerymajestic.com, FreeDigitalPhotos.net

We whole-heartedly agree with the above statement. Romancing each other is almost more important AFTER the wedding than it is and was before we marry because it’s easier to take each other for granted as we live together day after day.

Dating and romancing each other, and having fun together helped us to FALL in love with each other in the first place. So doesn’t it make sense that by continuing to do so will help us to CONTINUE in love and make our life journey together more enjoyable? We’re sure thinking it does.

So, to help us in this mission of marriage, we’d like to share what author Doug Fields had to say in his book Creative Romance(which is no longer being published). We believe it can benefit us all. He writes:

I find very few people who have trouble agreeing that a good marriage requires hard work. But most people struggle and get discouraged when they try to explain their own lack of dating and romance. There are countless excuses guaranteed to keep you from taking action when it comes to dating your mate. I know all about them —I’ve thought of several myself:

• What are we going to do with the children?
• I don’t have enough time.
• Dating costs too much money.
• There’s plenty to do at home.
• I’m too tired.
• There’s nothing to do where we live.
• We can’t ever get good baby-sitters.
• It’s too cold outside.
• I’ve got too much to do around the house.

It’s true. We can always think of excuses to avoid doing certain things. I can think of ten reasons for not getting out of bed in the morning, and another five for not filling my car with gasoline. I can make all the excuses I want to, but eventually the pressures of reality will force me into action. The urgency of life tells me I’d better get out of bed and get gas in my car. Otherwise I’ll never make it to work, I’ll get myself fired, and I’ll end up without enough money for survival! I’m forced to do what I should, regardless of my excuses. That’s reality.

But as far as my marriage is concerned, the consequences of my excuses aren’t nearly as tangible or immediate. If I don’t take Cathy out on Friday night, so what? Life will go on. I’ll still be employed. I’ll still be able to afford gas. I’m not forced to make any special effort toward our relationship because there appears to be no urgency. I can continue not making deposits for a long time before my marriage account dries up. But you don’t need to be a rocket-scientist to figure out that this sort of attitude lies behind the rapid deterioration of marriages.

…If you want to add life to your marriage, perhaps even save its life, you’d better do whatever it takes to bring romance and dating back into the picture. There’s no quick fix. But if you’re willing to make the proper investments, you’ll find great rewards. So —in the face of all the excuses, let’s take a look at some important ways you will benefit from dating your spouse.

Dating Strengthens Your Relationship: Relationships are strengthened through time spent together, honest communication, and positive memories. Dating provides all of these. Dating builds up marriages and helps solidify their foundations. Enduring relationships aren’t constructed out of fleeting emotions and occasional passion. They’re solidly built on quality time spent together, each partner investing in the other.

Dating Enriches Life: Life was given to us by our Creator to be lived to its fullest. He gave us a great playground we affectionately call “Earth” to use and enjoy while we have the opportunity. Setting time aside to enjoy one another is not only pleasing to God but enriches the quality of our lives. You are bound to be a much better husband or wife when you invest time in your marriage, giving it higher priority than such things as the television set or the office or different activities.

Dating Creates Positive Memories:Memories recall significant expressions of the past. Quality relationships are rich in positive memories. Since our world does a good job of dispensing negative experiences, it’s up to us to do an even better job of providing positive recollections. I love to hear older couples share stories of their early dating events. While such rememberings are fun to hear, imagine how much more enjoyable they were to experience. My wife and I are sure to have disappointing episodes and some regretful moments. But one of our goals is to make sure that our positive memories outweigh our heartaches.

Dating Models Marriage for Your Children: A long-term benefit of dating your spouse is the model you set in place for your children. One of the best ways we can demonstrate love to our children is by expressing affection to our mates. When children see their parents placing priority on dating and romance, they’ll carry that expectation into their own relationships. Children need to see quality, loving relationships in a world where those aren’t the norm. Your dating can relieve a tremendous amount of pressure from your children and set an example they’ll never forget.

Seeing the Big Picture: Two construction workers were busy working on a huge brick-laying project. A passerby was curious about the future of the building. She stopped the workers and asked, “Just what is it you’re building?” The first worker told her he was simply laying bricks trying to finish a construction project. When she asked the second worker the same question he stood and proudly explained to her he was helping to build a great cathedral. He was able to see the big picture, and was excited about the outcome. He viewed his job as a worthy task.

As you think about your own marriage situation you might want to answer that same question, “What are you building? I hope you’ll be proud and say, “I’m building a great marriage, day by day, year by year, brick by brick!”

And that is our hope for you! We hope that you’ll work along with us to build a GREAT marriage —to the glory of God. It is our prayer that when others see how you (and we) interact with each other they’ll see the positive difference Christ can make in marriages and they will want to know our God better!

Cindy and Steve Wright