10 Habits of the Happily Married

It is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis. –Margaret Bonnano

Photo credit: Brett Jordan / Foter /CC BY

“Would you be willing to try some suggestions if they helped you to live happier on a daily basis in your marriage? If so, then you’ll appreciate what our friend, Marvin Redlawski shares. He writes:

Life really is comprised of habits. From the moment we awake to the moment we drift off to sleep, our daily routine is made up of habits, whether we are consciously aware of what we do all day or not, we live a daily life of habits. Think about it, what did you do yesterday that was drastically different than the previous day? Or how about tomorrow, what will you do differently than what you did today?

Sure, you may have gone different places, met new people; dressed in different clothing, dined on different types of food, or perhaps even driven a different automobile. None of these activities really changed your habits now did they?

You still arose at a certain time, used the same toothbrush to brush in the same manner as the day before, took a shower, dressed yourself for the day, read the “paper” (perhaps a certain section before the others), drove in the same manner, and answered the phone in the same way. Maybe you even watched the same newscaster on the same television station read in the same manner as the day before.

Even Jesus, the son of the living God, sent by God the Father, according to the gospels, lived by habits, albeit, certainly more desirable habits than the men and women with which he lived His life. This of course, is not to exclude modern day man and woman.

We too desire to be and live more like Jesus each day, that is, those who believe in Him and long to follow His ways. His ways are kind, loving, sharing and forgiving. Yes, He is the model we must pursue if we are to be joyful with our own life.

But how about our marriage? How are we doing these days? Do we just do the same stuff over and over that we always do day in and day out? Or, are we exciting to our spouse in that we are constantly striving to bring new and exciting life and joy into our marriage by doing different things in different ways?

What would your spouse say if you said to them: “Do you think I am still exciting in your life? Do I still make you feel special in little ways? Would you like to see some things change with respect to our daily, weekly, monthly or even yearly habits?”

Let’s go back to our wedding day. Do you remember the excitement and enthusiasm which danced in your heart when you looked into your spouse’s eyes thinking, “Wow, this is really finally happening; we’re getting married!”

Think about it, did our habits drastically change after we left the wedding ceremony? Did we change in how we approached life when we saidI do? Did we see that we must be totally honest, compassionate, kind, likable, sharing, giving, loving, and a host of other attributes which are the ingredients of a joyful life with our spouse?

As we’re told in the Bible, after we marry, we now have become one in union with each other. It tells us that, “A man shall leave his mother and a woman leaves her home, they shall travel on as one, and two shall be as one.”

If you can go back in time a bit and try to recall your habits as a single person and try to match them to your habits of today with your spouse, are there drastic changes for the better? Think about it and talk with your spouse about your daily habits and the ones which perhaps your spouse (or even you) may want to see modified just a bit or maybe even canceled out altogether!

Here are 10 habits that we have found which are helping improve the quality and joy factor of our marriage. Yes, my wife Julie and I are continuing to work on them day by day and are finding that sometimes, very small changes make ENORMOUS differences in our marital relationship.

1. Pray together as a couple.Seek Godly wisdom in your daily life together as a parent, spouse and human being interacting with others.

2. Totally understand that when you said “I do” to your spouse in front of God and everyone else, you really did become one in Him. Treat each other accordingly.

3. Understand that your partner is really unique in the very special way that God created them. Yes, perhaps “Men are from Mars” and Women from Venus” [as author John Gray talks about] but we are both from the one God who created the universe.

4. Try to see the world through your partner’s eyes.

5. Be a great listener. Remember, feelings change with varying stimuli and sometimes words and actions are based upon feelings. Use time to let feelings subside.

6. Read about marriage; learn from the lives of positive role models in marriage. We can always learn something new and exciting. You can even read to each other; it’s a great way to relax your partner and let them know you love them. (We have a lot of testimonies and articles posted on this web site, which will give you a good start.)

7. Look into your partner’s eyes when talking to them and especially when you’re listening to them. It sends the message that you have their undivided attention.

8. Never be afraid to try something new in your marriage.When is the last time you took your partner dancing or to a play?

9. Date your Mate, at least once a week, even if it is going for a walk and talking. One on one time is so precious these days!

10. Set daily (not less than weekly) time aside to have “meaningful” talk together.

Well, if you’re ready to start living “happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis,” develop these ten habits and see what a difference they can make.

Romans 12:9 says, “Love must be sincere;” and in Galatians 5:13 says, “serve one another in love” because that is the root of developing these ten habits.

Steve and Cindy Wright